THE BLOG
09/28/2016 03:11 pm ET Updated Sep 29, 2017

Doug's Dozen: 12 Ways Wells Fargo CEO Might Have Injured His Hand

We all saw how Wells Fargo CEO John Stumpf endured sharp questioning about his bank taking depositors' funds to secretly open new accounts and charge them fees. But what's the explanation for his bandaged hand? Well, I've got several possibilities. In fact, here are...

Doug's Dozen: 12 Ways Wells Fargo CEO Might Have Injured His Hand

1. Was "taking out a loan" when 7-Eleven clerk slammed the cash drawer.

2. Was "making change" from collection plate - in a church in New Jersey.

3. Was "borrowing" a friend's car when the coat hanger tripped the airbag.

4. Tried to switch his dogs to cheaper brand after he set their food bowls down.

5. From waving bye-bye to a million Wells Fargo depositors.

6. Panicked just before testimony, tried to escape out a window.

7. Spent all day giving every TV with Elizabeth Warren on it the finger.

8. Met MMA champ Ronda Rousey - small world, she was a longtime Wells Fargo customer!

9. Don't worry, just a little surgery to alter his fingerprints.

10. Carpal-tunnel from writing himself 138 million-dollar retirement checks.

11. Bible he was swearing to tell the truth on kept burning his hand.

12. Sprained wrist pulling so many answers out of his ass.

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