How Can I Change My Mindset to Achieve Love and Success?

03/01/2016 08:47 am ET Updated Feb 28, 2017

Many of us stunt our growth and stop ourselves from getting what we want by having a fixed mind-set. We have that voice in our heads that we listen to that tells us that we can't do something, that we are not good enough for someone, that something is impossible, or that we can never have something. This kind of thinking is simply not true, and it keeps us stuck, and it keeps us from taking chances. We all want things, but to get them, we have to believe in our ability to accomplish them. We have to believe we are good enough, and deserving of them. We have to change our thinking from "I can't" to "Of course I can." What we believe, we can achieve, and we can. It is like the famous saying, "Whether you tell yourself you can, or you tell yourself you can't, your right." Let's look at a few ways that you can break these limiting beliefs, and have all that you ever wanted.

One important difference is to learn to turn our failures into successes. Many people fail at something and decide that this is an end point. Whether it is a job, or a relationship, they feel as if they failed. The truth is that people who get what they want and achieve greatness, when they look at a failure and learn from it. Some of the individuals who have had the greatest successes of our time, have also had some of the most epic failures. Some of the greatest loves, have also, first, suffered the greatest losses. I encourage you to read the stories of people like Michael Jordan, Paul McCartney, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Walt Disney. I promise they will inspire you, and show you that we can get what we want, and achieve true success, and we can have great love, no matter how many times we stumble. It is not the stumbling that matters, it is the getting back up.

Another simple way to learn how to get what you want is to learn from people who already have. Read some biographies, such as the people I mentioned above. Find a good mentor who will be honest with you about your strengths and weaknesses. Have a friend who will be honest with you about what you need to focus on. Go see a therapist, who can help change negative thinking. If you are too busy, or embarrassed, to go into an office, the world of Telehealth and mHealth are great alternatives. You can see a therapist in your home or office with companies like http://www.betterhelp.com, http://www.Teladoc.com, or http://www.Americanwell.com, to name a few. Many times in my therapeutic work, when people tell me they are struggling, or that they want certain things for themselves, I ask them to think of people they admire who possess the qualities they need. They are always able to list off what these individuals have, and then I ask them what is holding them back from doing and being those things. They already have the formula, but they do not yet believe in their ability to use it. Now they just need to believe in their own abilities.

Many people hold limiting beliefs. If people truly looked at their values and belief systems, and then compared them to what was holding them back, they could make adjustments. When a person realizes that they have been walking around with a belief since they were young, simply because that is what they were told, they can now challenge it. If they are able to transform their belief to support their goals in life and love, great things are possible for them. If you are a visual person, do something that puts your goals and dreams somewhere that you have to see it each day. Put a list of your goals on your refrigerator. Make a dream/goal board. Be creative, be specific, and be clear about what you want. There is an energy to putting these thoughts, hopes, and dreams out into the world to be seen. The fact that you have to see them all the time can be very motivating, and it can give you that extra kick that you need. Imagine the motivating power of looking at a section of that board and saying to yourself, "I did that," or "I have that." Now imagine if you could say to yourself, "I did all that." This is a fun, simple, and powerful tool to keep you motivated, and to keep your goals at the forefront each and every day. No matter if you use these tools, or get some help with them, I promise they will help you achieve your goals.