01/29/2008 03:08 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Let's Talk About Football!

Football! What to say, what to say? Well, first of all, we are coming up on the Super Bowl soon! Yay! Super Tuesday is around the corner, and everyone is getting super excited to see those guys Tom Brady, that guy who dated Jessica Simpson, and some other guys out on the field throwing around the old "pig-skins!"

You may be surprised that I, a modern, cosmopolitan woman, have an interest in sports! But duh, I have to, what else would I talk to my boyfriend about in exchange for us going shoe-shopping. And as one of the women on Sex and the City (movie comes out in May, ladies!) once brilliantly posited, "Love is all about compromise." Or something like that. Hey, remember when Carrie cheated on Aidan with Mr. Big? That show is so much like my life, it's not funny!

Anyway, football is a good sport to have some knowledge in, because then you can go into that new Leatherheads movie starring the hot guy from the Office and George Clooney was some modicum of understanding. Like, for all my football information I head over to The Fifth down, a New York Times blog where writers share their opinions on sports! Like this guy, Karen Crouse talks about Giants and Patriots, they are going to the play-offs soon, which is the MOST important part of a "Superbowl Sunday," which I think is what they technically call a "pre-game" before the Super(bowl) Tuesday. Some people are mad at the Patriots because the starting guy, Rodney Harrison, has been voted the dirtiest player by the NFL. But I looked him up, and I am betting that's he's a hell of a lot cleaner than David Diehl, who looks like he would consistently smell like raw meat and B.O. Tom Brady is the sexiest football player in existence, and I'm really offended to hear that his gf might have been "pulling a goalie" on him and left him saddled with the responsibility of fatherhood during a really stressful time in his career! Luckily he seems to be back in the game now (and I'm not talking about football here girls!) and is hooking up with that model, or something. I wonder if he ever makes her watch his stupid games, or if she gets to stay home and hog the remote. A lot of people I think would rather do that then spend all day trying to get their S.O.'s attention by getting really drunk and crying in front of the television.

Seriously, watching football might be the most boring American past-time EVER. I mean, why are they always stopping the game? I think without all the breaks they take, a normal football game would only last something like 45 minutes. They should really just stop the game after the half-time show, so nobody gets bored and the last thing you are left with is a really cool musical set, by a great artist like Madonna or Prince or Janet Jackson's left nipple.

Either way, I am probably going to spend the Super-bowl rooting being really bored and end up voting for whatever team has Eli Manning on it. I heard he likes to go antiquing with his mom and as anyone knows, shopping with your mother is probably one of the most strenuous activities a person can do!