THE BLOG
07/08/2014 02:39 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Ten Things Every Gay Guy Is Sick of Hearing

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Sure, many people are well-meaning and just a little curious, but there are some recurring questions from the straights that we are sort of tired of hearing. The following is list of things this gay dude is tired of responding to, so I thought I'd just write down the responses too in the hopes that maybe these things can stop being said.

1) Are you getting married?

While gay marriage is becoming legal in many places, it's an option and not a requirement. No, my partner and I aren't discussing marriage and we have no plans in the near future to do so. Believe it or not, not every gay wants to run out and get hitched.

2) I have a gay friend.

That's great and no, I don't know them, nor do I want to go on a date with them. Not all gay people know each other and there are actually enough other gay people out there that I really don't need to resort to blind dates with your gay friend.

3) Who's the man and who's the woman?

Actually, you may not have noticed, but we are both the same sex! We are both men in the relationship. You're making it clear you view the world through gender-stereotyped glasses, but I assure you neither of us are "the woman."

4) Do you use Grindr?

I've used Grindr in the past and no, you cannot use my phone to go on the app and read through my personal messages and photos. I can understand why the app may provide you with a bit of entertainment, but setup your own account!

5) Have you heard the new Lady Gaga song?

No. I haven't. Liking Lady Gaga's music is not a prerequisite for being gay. I know it may be hard to believe, but different people like different types of music. I do have musical interests that don't include pop divas and house music.

6) Are you out to everyone?

Yes, I am! No, I am not cowering in the closet at business meetings or family functions. In fact, I am so out as gay that I wouldn't mind if you made a public post on Facebook about it and tagged me in it.

7) Have you ever had sex with a girl?

Well, now that you ask, yes. Shocking, I know. The truth is that I did experiment with the opposite gender before I started taking it up the rear. I wasn't into it. I did not like it. I was completely uninterested sexually. Can we not talk about this anymore?

8) Are you going to have kids?

Nope. I know it was a surprise that I wasn't itching to tie the not, but I'm not interested in having kids either. Like ever. I know how hetero culture expects you to get married and have kids to be "normal," but I'm not having it.

9) Who pays the bill?

Honestly, I didn't realize that the "man paying the bill" was still a thing. Apparently, I was wrong. We actually take turns paying the bill, or just whoever takes out their card first. I mean, it sort of just happens naturally, like when you go to brunch with friends.

10) How did your parents handle it?

I know you envision my parents being some Bible-thumping zealots that kicked me out of the house and banned me from family gatherings, but the truth is I was fortunate enough to have parents and family that were rational and sane. It's not an issue.