07/01/2013 02:55 pm ET Updated Aug 31, 2013

Top 10 Reasons Edward Snowden Should Seek Asylum in Iceland

Is Edward Snowden really stuck in transit at the Moscow airport?

The Obama administration is desperately trying to track down Snowden. Can you blame the U.S. president? Snowden leaked evidence of the NSA's secret spying apparatus to Glenn Greenwald, The Guardian's crack investigative reporter, and after escaping the reaches of the U.S. government in Russia, via Hong Kong, Snowden vanished from the long arm of the law with the help of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange.

Obama can defeat Hillary Clinton. He can waltz all over John McCain. He can even clobber Mitt Romney. But the powerful president can't keep tabs on a bespectacled computer geek?

Ecuador, Venezuela, Cuba, Iceland: all potential rabbit holes into which Snowden might hop. Here are the top 10 reasons the world's most famous whistleblower should seek asylum in Iceland.

  1. Iceland's a progressive country where nursing mothers can breast feed their children while drinking beer. In a pub.
  2. President Obama would never send a flying robot drone to bomb Iceland. Would he?
  3. To protest the U.S. government's evolving spy apparatus, Snowden can go on a hunger strike with Bjork's mother until she gets hungry and resumes eating...uh, I mean stops hunger striking over the construction of an aluminum smelter because "she was satisfied that her message was having a global impact," despite the fact that Alcoa went ahead and built the aluminum smelter anyway.
  4. Icelandic women are just as attractive as Snowden's girlfriend Lindsay Mills, a so-called "sizzling ballerina."
  5. Snowden can befriend former WikiLeaks chat room organizer turned FBI informant Sigurdur "Siggi" Thordarson and share the Icelandic mole's underwear size with Julian Assange and the FBI.
  6. The Reykjavik nightlife is much better than the Quito nightlife.
  7. If Reykjavik is good enough for Bobby Fischer it's good enough for Snowden.
  8. Iceland's government doesn't spy on its citizens. In fact, the Economist Intelligence Unit's Democracy Index rates Iceland as the second best democracy in the world, behind Norway. The mighty U.S. ranks a measly 17th.
  9. With nothing to get mad about in Iceland, other than lost pension funds due to the 2008 economic collapse, crooked bankers and awful weather, Snowden can become a member of Greenpeace and fight to stop the bloody sport of whaling.
  10. Snowden's a computer nerd. A group of Icelandic techies run EVE Online, one of those massive, multiplayer online games. Imagine the fun Snowden can have hacking through the EVE universe of warring spaceships.