We don't need clean energy. That's right, I said it, and I'll say it again. Actually, screw that, you go back yourself and read that line again if you need to. Why should I have to repeat myself? That's a waste of my hard-earned energy.
Dick Cheney believes that we have enough coal to last 700 years. Stephen Hawking believes that we have enough tolerance of other cultures to last 200 years. Do the math; that's 500 years of the future that we don't even need. Why waste our final phase as a race with wasteful planning? That makes about as much sense as running a vasectomy clinic in the storeroom of a prophylactics manufacturing plant run by fish. Can you imagine working at a place with fish doctors, fish assembly line workers, and fish administrative assistants everywhere? Of course not, it makes no sense.
"Clean energy can be utilized by harnessing the wind, sun, and rain" is all we're hearing these days. But let me ask you this about these alternative-lifestyle energies: If dairy was good enough for you, then why feed your children soy? God didn't invent America so that we could be taken over by these transgendered-energies. If there was nothing wrong with the energy that you received growing up; energy from coal, oil, and exploited migrant labor, then there's nothing wrong with feeding this same energy to our children. And while I'm on it, don't let science run your life, go ahead and take the door off your microwave.
Wishing that your car could run on algae biodiesel is about as useful as wishing that your car could run on Vin Diesel. (You want to talk about harnessing energy? That man is one of America's most underused natural resources. Will someone please green light Fast Furious before the Arabs do?)
Our country needs to drop this tired same-sex energy movement altogether. If we stopped all of the yapping back and forth, we'd save enough energy to power my proposed chain of Vin Diesel's Lighthouse 'n Chili Dogs restaurants for at least a week. If you want to disagree with me, go right ahead. But remember that when you argue, you're the one wasting energy, not me.
Honestly, you probably shouldn't be arguing with me at all, I'm a spoon.