10/10/2011 08:02 am ET Updated Dec 10, 2011

El Chanclaso Never Forgets a Transgression

Alabama Stuck in Time
Remember the time your mom gave you a chanclaso for being a travieso but she didn't know the full details of your maldades until a week later so she gave you another chanclaso, a harder one, when she discovered the full scope of your shenanigans? Well, that's what I'm doing today. I'm giving Alabama a much harder chanclaso for its anti-immigrant law. Last week, a federal judge upheld Alabama's anti-immigrant law, and immediately, hard-working familias sold their belongings and fled the state. Several schools in Alabama reported that many Latino children didn't show up to school after the ruling was announced. You would think that Alabama, a state dogged by its racist past would try harder to improve its rep. Pero no, they're content in winning the race to the bottom.

Hate Doesn't Rest
Another flying chanclaso goes to Margie Phelps, the lead spokesperson for the Westboro Baptist Church, based out of Topeka, Kansas, one of the most hateful and ridiculous sects in the U.S. They hate everyone, and I do mean everyone - blacks, Jews, gays, Latinos, Catholics, Muslims, unicorns. ¡Hijole! I think they even hate white people, too. The Westboro Baptist Church is infamous for protesting at military funerals, and their main claim to fame is the "God Hates F*gs" slogan they happily display at intersections all over the country. Margie Phelps, never one to let a despicable opportunity slip by her, tweeted from her iPhone that she and her disgusting clan will be protesting at Steve Jobs' funeral because he didn't give enough glory to God. That's right, she sent out a tweet from her iPhone, which Steve Jobs designed at Apple. ¡Esta mujer es puro odio!

I want to give a big time aplauso to Steve Jobs, the quintessential entrepreneur of our times. He's revolutionized the way we communicate with each other. I love my MacBook, iTunes, iPod and especially the 69 cent songs iTunes offers every month. Even though I don't own an iPhone, it has the sleekest design of any smartphone out there. Gracias, Señor Jobs, and rest in peace.

What is El Chanclaso?
For many Latinos, a chancla is more than summer footwear. The flip flops on our mothers' feet were also impromptu and easily accessed weapons. Back talk, ignoring orders or fighting with your siblings could, without warning, result in a chancla on the rear end or, if distance was a factor, flying at you.Now we're all grown up. But some people still deserve chanclasos. And we're going to let them have it here in our weekly column, El Chanclaso. Sergio, our resident chancludo, will turn a critical eye on political shenanigans, and current issues and events with his chancla firmly in hand. Depending on the severity of the misbehavior, being on the wrong end of the chancla could get you one or two chanclasos. Sergio will also give aplausos to those who make us proud.You've been warned. Now, behave!