06/08/2012 04:14 pm ET Updated Aug 08, 2012

Dear MasterCard: Seems Those Mayans And Their Calendar Screwed Us Both Over

Dear MasterCard:

I like what you've done with your hair. It really brings out your eyes. You've lost some weight, haven't you? Pilates? Whatever it is that you're doing, keep it up, because you look fabulous.

Anyway, um, hey, remember how you sent me that bill? And then the other one? And the one after that? The really mean one? And remember how I told you that I was good for it, but that you'd have to wait until January? And then you reluctantly agreed, but you asked why I was laughing and I said I was sneezing? And you said it didn't sound like sneezing?

Well, here's the thing. There's a bit of a wrinkle in the plan.

It's kind of a funny story. You know those Mayans? Yeah, the guys with the calendar. Well, archaeologists have projected for a while that according to those guys the apocalypse would be here in December. I hope it's clear now why I said I'd pay you in January. I figured we'd all be dead.

You see where I'm going with this, MasterCard?

Yeah, well, um, so I just read a news story that said that some other nerds in lab coats think that maybe the initial projections were wrong and that this apocalypse thing wouldn't be here for a while longer.

You smell what I'm stepping in here, MasterCard?

As a result, I hope you can see how the Mayans kinda fucked us both over.

Your handsome and humble servant,

El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.