06/21/2013 02:50 pm ET Updated Aug 21, 2013

Fox News Hires Paula Deen to Host Plantation-Themed Morning Show

In a press release yesterday, Fox News confirmed that they will be introducing a new plantation-themed morning show hosted by former Food Network star, NAACP award recipient and plantation enthusiast Paula Deen. While the network is keeping a tight lid on the details, top executives who requested they not be named admit Fox is trying to cement its standing in a coveted demographic: conservative Southern whites who wish it was still 1852. Some close to the network say that the program will have a plantation theme.

As Paula and her co-host Michael Richards chat about current events and sip mint juleps, black men will reportedly till a field in the background and refill their drinks. "It's going to be great. It's a lot like what they have going on with NBC's Today Show and enthusiastic audience members gathering in Rockefeller Center. However, we found that in our target demo, our audiences prefer that blacks avert eye-contact and engage in some non-threatening behavior, like tending to a field or submissively serving cold beverages."

In recent days, the embattled Food Network star and restauranteur has sparked controversy as revelations from a deposition were made public. Paula Deen explained that she has used the n-word, she found a plantation-style wedding to be particularly impressive (especially with the exclusive use of middle-aged black men in formal wear working as servers).

When asked whether or not using the N-word in a joke is mean, the butter enthusiast's response:

"Most -- most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks. Most jokes target -- I don't know. I didn't make up the joke, I don't know. I can't -- I don't know."

Indeed, Paula, indeed.

At the Fox studios, as Paula arrived she handed her car keys to a perplexed Geraldo Rivera waiting for a cab. Afterwards, she asked fearfully, "Is that Puerto Rican fella still here? The one with the mustache? Cuz, I handed him my car keys, and you know how they are."

Your handsome and humble servant-
El Guapo

El Guapo writes The Daily Refried, and is, without question, the foremost authority on all things sinvergüenza. Follow him on Facebook or Twitter @TheDailyRefried.