03/18/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Hey Giants: Here's a Quarter -- Buy Some Defense

So here's how the game went: run-run-run-score (Giants). LOOOOOOOONG pass-score (Eagles). Run-run-run-score (Giants). LOOOOOOONG pass-score (Eagles). Not exactly a defensive grind-it-out win. Did both teams' defenses accidentally go to the Linc? If I had a quarter for every time I yelled, "TACKLE him, DONKEY!" I ... well, I wouldn't be able to retire, but I'd certainly be able to get a nice pair of shoes. We couldn't stop Brandon Jacobs to save our lives.

On the other hand, they couldn't stop DeSean. I think opposing defenses are going to have to start sending their safeties back to the end zone. "I know they're at their own 3. Back up. No farther. No, FARTHER. Look, just head for the parking lot until I yell STOP!"

I think I had about 37 heart attacks in the third quarter alone. You know that scene in the extras for The Incredibles, with Kari the babysitter, where Jack-Jack's powers have come out and he keeps bursting into flame and she keeps putting him out? That was Chef Spouse with the defibrillator.

There was some bad officiating, of course - Trent Cole was being held ALL DAMN DAY, Brent Celek got totally mugged in the end zone and...nothing, Quintin drew some "say what?" penalties, the zebras took 3 sure points away at the end of the half, and what the hell was that whole "forward fumble" call on McNabb? When a QB "forward fumbles," you know what that is? An INCOMPLETE PASS, DUMBASS!

And the Giants did get the lead. For all of 19 seconds. Yeah, I loved that play. "OK, here's the play. Peanut, you run that way REALLY fast. You other 9 guys stay in and block." "Isn't DeSean going to get, like, quadruple covered?" "Nah - unless they're hiding Usain Bolt over there, nobody's that fast." "Break!" Although there is a downside - no rest for the weary (defenders).

Of course, when it mattered, we put together a 91-yard 8 minute drive where we never even hit 3rd down. And when it mattered, McNabb and Avant came up with a 2 point conversion to tighten the screws. And when it mattered, up 7 points with the Giants taking over with 1:31 left, our defense protected the lead. Which they've done for the past four weeks.

Get the rest of the recaps at Snarkin' the NFL.

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