Last night's second episode of ABC's "The Bachelor" proved to be quite entertaining, despite Prince Farming having the personality of a soybean. The producers seemed to pepper the episode with the kind of zany, kooky, funny stuff usually reserved for the closing credits -- in order to make up for Chris Soules's snooze-inducing flat affect, perhaps? Hey, we'll take it, since the bloopers reel they play at each finale is the highlight of every season! Of course, between the wise cracks and the drunken twerking, there were still plenty of love lessons to be learned!:
- On "The Bachelor," as in life, there are no hard and fast dating rules. If you change your mind about someone or want to give them a second chance, that's fine -- in fact, it's open-minded, open-hearted and quite generous. Just be sure you're not leading them on. If you know, deep down, there's no hope for a future relationship, quash it quickly, as Chris did with Kimberly (a.k.a. Oliver, as in "Please sir, may I have some more?")
- Do not humiliate your date by parading her around town like a sex doll. For example, making her walk in public places (that aren't the beach or the pool) wearing only a bikini -- in the freezing cold, no less -- while you enjoy the benefits of full-length shorts and a hoodie during your stroll is Uncool with a capital U. Equal opportunity objectification, people! (And are bikini bottoms really the appropriate attire for riding on tractors and sitting on hay bales? Wethinks Prince Farmer would say no, so he should have advocated for the dignity and comfort of his dates as an expert in this field, no pun intended, and just as a decent human being.)
- Don't kiss and tell (we're looking at you, Mackenzie) -- at least to people who fall into one or more of the following categories: near strangers, singles, the recently broken-hearted, people interested in the same person you just swapped spit with. Otherwise, you come across as, at best, insensitive and, at worst, mean-spirited (or else just totally clueless).
- We don't care whether you're drunk or stupid, it's not okay to put other women down in order to try to elevate yourself into a higher dating bracket. It never works; in fact, it always backfires. No matter how pretty, in shape or hair-free you are, you will come across as a bad person. And nobody wants to date a bad person. Cheap shots -- whether we're talking personal digs or alcohol (ahem, Jordan) -- are never a good idea (even though they, admittedly, make for great TV).
- Just because someone isn't into you, doesn't mean you're unworthy of love. It just means you didn't quite click. Buck up, cowgirl. You're still so young! You've got plenty of time to sow your wild oats. Eventually you'll find a farmer made just for you whom you can sow some serious cereal grains with.