THE BLOG
11/23/2015 12:18 pm ET Updated Nov 23, 2016

Why It Is Important to Love Yourself First Before Someone Else

Alexandra's Sunset Photography via Getty Images

"Love yourself first so you know what you deserve."

Lately I have been meeting people who have been pretty disappointed when it comes to the word "love."

I have heard the laundry list of woes on romance from being afraid to be alone out of fear of never meeting someone to compromising happiness and settling for second best in a relationship.

Then there are the common questions of, "If not this person then who?" and "When will I meet someone I really love and loves me?" or "How can I love myself?"

How can we find ourselves beyond a romantic relationship, and does a romantic relationship have to define our sense of self?

I feel like it has become this ingrained belief that we need a relationship to define our path and identity and if we don't have that relationship by a certain time frame in our lives then we have missed the window for that fairy tale ending. We may question if something is wrong with us and why don't we have that special someone with kids like "everyone" else does.

Why is it that these ideas have been forced onto us and if we don't meet these expectations then we are failures in the love/romance department?

What if someone just isn't ready yet? What if there are other priorities right now and romance just hasn't made it on the list? Can that be okay? Do we get a permission slip to just be human and live without following the trend of marriage and babies?

I don't know about you but I enjoy my life right now and I am enjoying the relationship I am building with myself. I have realized that I don't need someone else to fulfill every single need and expectation I have in life because I can do that for myself.

Not saying that I don't have a partner because I do and I am very happy in my romantic life. However it took a few dud relationships along the way to help me realize that the relationship I really needed to be working on was the one with me before I could love anyone else.

I got caught up in that trend of finding a partner and getting married because if not then I am a sudden single loser who can't hold a relationship down.

But then I realized that I would rather take care of ME before I take care of another. I wanted to love myself by doing things for my mental, emotional and spiritual self first so that I could share this awesomeness with another person.

As I tended to my emotions and feelings I realized that I could love myself and another simultaneously as long as there was a balance. The key to an amazing relationship is balance. Balance within and with another person.

So if you are in this position I applaud you for being brave and allowing yourself the space to be there for you right now.

You aren't a loser. You haven't failed in romance and this isn't the end of the road for you with love. But maybe right now your self just needs this time to breathe, to heal and connect more within.

As you love yourself you will realize what you deserve and create your own sense and definition of love.

We can have it all. Everything just has its own timing and there isn't anything wrong with us if we don't get there at the same time as another person. They have their journey and you have yours.

Do your soul a favor and just love yourself right now, because as you do more love will come to you in ways you may have never realized or knew.

For more info on Emily, visit www.emilystroia.com or download a free meditation.

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