01/08/2013 07:12 pm ET Updated Mar 10, 2013

An Open Letter to Taylor Swift


First off, let me just say how much I love your music. It's fun, catchy, easy to sing along to and endlessly relatable. During college, your song "Teardrops On My Guitar" helped me get through a terrible crush on my own Drew, who ended up marrying the girlfriend he constantly complained to me about. Girl, I felt you on that one.

Maybe that song is why I feel like, though we've never met, we'd be friends if we did. You have the type of creativity, drive and confidence in your art that I really admire. That's why I'm going to talk to you like I would to any of my other friends. A friend who I wanted to give some advice to, before she ended up getting hurt, yet again.

Taylor, if you're truly looking for love, you're doing it all wrong. If what you sing about in your songs and say in your interviews is true and you're not just having fun, but really looking for a long-term partner, then I have some advice for you.

1) Stop listening to anyone who tells you the reason your relationships haven't worked out is the guy. Surrounding yourself with people who tell you that you can do no wrong is good for fame, but terrible for relationships. You had some fault. There are things you need to work on. Things we all need to work on. It's good to talk to someone about bad patterns and thoughts, and work on improving yourself.

2) No more high schoolers. No one younger than you by more than a year. I don't care how mature they seem, or what family they're from. You're never going to find a stable, mature, adult relationship with someone who isn't an adult. Stop wasting time on guys who are 18 or 19 years old. Did you know the brain isn't fully developed until age 25? Shoot for that. 25.

3) John Mayer. No. No. No. No. No. No.

4) Love is not a feeling. Attraction is a feeling. Love is a choice. It's work, commitment and sacrifice. People in love, real, lasting, forever love, don't always make the best fodder for pop songs. "Thanks for Emptying the Dishwasher Babe," will probably never be a hit single. But it's worth it, trust me. Ask anyone who's been married for 20, 30 or 40 years. Butterflies don't last, but real love does.

You're going to get through this breakup and you're going to be fine. But as your imaginary friend, I want to see you eventually find what you're looking for -- love. Stability. A long-term relationship that turns into marriage, eventually. To find that though, you need to change your pattern. Slow things down. Spend some time alone. Realize that you do not need anyone to complete you, because you are complete in yourself. Read some good books on relationships and marriage (Tim Keller's The Meaning of Marriage is the best, in my opinion.)

While you do that, know that you have millions of fans rooting for you, and hoping you find the right guy. A guy that under no circumstances whatsoever can be John Mayer.