04/06/2013 05:41 am ET Updated Jun 06, 2013

18 Things Men Say About Their Ex-Wives

When divorced people date, they talk about divorce. A lot. And that means talking about your ex. A lot. Which means that through dating, I've heard a whole lot of thoughts and opinions from men about their ex-wives. Ladies, here's how your ex feels about you:

  1. Until you split up, he never appreciated how much you did for the kids and the house.
  2. When you keep having fights with your friends, it validates his opinion that you are impossible to get along with.
  3. You're a really great mom.
  4. You're messing up the kids.
  5. He wanted to be that guy who cheered you on as you pushed the baby out, and caught the baby as you squeezed him out your vagina. But now that he did that, he feels differently about your vagina. He's not proud of that, but it is what it is.
  6. He wanted to be that guy who loved you and found you attractive no matter how fat you got. But he just isn't attracted to you now. No matter how hard he tries.
  7. He did love you no matter what.
  8. One day he realized he didn't love you anymore.
  9. When you didn't have sex for months and years, it didn't just hurt his feelings. It devastated him, and made him worry about his manhood and himself. It was a really, really big deal.
  10. You insisted everything be done your way, which made him not want to do anything at all.
  11. Now that he's on his own with the kids, he's a better dad.
  12. He loved being the provider while you stayed home with the kids.
  13. Now that he's paying child support and alimony, he really resents that you gave up your career.
  14. He's a little bit happy that you're struggling financially because maybe now you'll appreciate how hard he worked how much you blew through all the money he earned. And by a little bit happy, he really means a lot happy.
  15. It's not that he liked her better than you. It's just that she liked him back.
  16. He's so much happier now.
  17. He wants to kill your boyfriend.
  18. Sometimes when you have the kids and it's late at night, he secretly wishes you'd text him and ask him to come sleep at home.