Over the last six months, I've been thinking about a career change. Nothing drastic, mind you. I'm not going to teach French poetry or anything. Still, at my age, the prospect of becoming a visiting professor is appealing and I'd like to make that happen.
It turns out that many people my age think about doing something else. It's not a mid-life crisis per se. It's just natural to wonder if you want to spend the next 30-something years doing what you're doing now.
So says Barbara Bradley Hagerty in her new excellent book Life Reimagined: The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife. I recently sat down with her. Here are excerpts of our conversation.
Photo by George David Sanchez
PS: When many people think of mid-life, the word crisis comes to mind. Is that a myth? What did you find in your research?
BH: Midlife crisis is, by and large, a myth -- but one with an asterisk. The term "midlife crisis" sprung from an obscure journal article in 1965 by a Canadian psychoanalyst named Elliott Jaques. Jaques said in midlife, a man (he only studied men) begins to glimpse the shadows of death and suddenly recognizes that he will die before he can realize his dreams. Later, Daniel Levenson at Yale picked up the theme, and after interviewing 40 men (again, only men), Levenson concluded that 80 percent - 80 percent! - of men suffer midlife crises. Then Gail Sheehy wrote Passages, and a cultural phenomenon was born, along with the attendant sports car and trophy wife.
The problem was, when researchers began to study the phenomenon in the 1990s, they couldn't find evidence of common or inevitable midlife crisis. They concluded that only 10 percent suffered this sort of existential angst about aging.
Now for the asterisk: Something is going on in your 40s and 50s. Midlife crisis may not be common, but midlife ennui - that flat feeling, that perpetual question: is this all there is? -- that feeling is practically universal. For 20 years, economists have surveyed people around the world, and found that everyone - rich or poor, educated or not, living in war zone or in Sweden -- everyone suffers a dip in happiness in middle age. In the US, the unhappiest time is about age 45: 40 years old for women, 50 for men.
It's called the U-Curve of happiness. People are upbeat and optimistic when they're young and life is ascendant; they slope down into discontent in their 40's and early 50s, before swooping up and growing happier right through their 70s.
How do you reconcile the myth of universal midlife crisis with the reality of ubiquitous midlife doldrums? What I found is that it comes down to the difference between happiness in the moment, and fulfillment in the long term.
What the economists are doing is asking people about momentary happiness: Are you happy today, are you stressed today? And most people in this stage of life - between ages 40 and 65 - are not out partying with friends at night. They're taking care of their kids and often their parents; they have mortgage payments and college tuition and heavy responsibilities at work.
So, no, in this moment, they are not giddy with happiness. But that is not the existential question at the center of a midlife crisis. The more important question is: Is your life meaningful, are you fulfilled? And the majority of middle-aged people say that they are.
PS: Why are we so scared of switching careers in our middle years?
BH: First, we should be scared. It's a tough job market out there, especially for people in their 50s. The last thing you should do is leap out of the plane without checking the parachute. We all hear stories about the accountant who became a chef or the lawyer who became an actor. But frankly, those magical reinvention stories are really rare. Usually if a lawyer quits her job to become an actor, it doesn't work out so well.
Add to that: Our brains can't stand risk and change. Researchers say the brain balks when you consider leaving your safe, comfortable perch to an uncertain if exciting place. I was terrified when I thought about leaving NPR and arguably one of the best jobs in journalism. I thought of NPR as my identity, my calling card, my home. How could I give that up?
I was persuaded by the research. I came to believe that there are at least two reasons people should think about shifting their careers -- if they can -- to bring more meaning into their lives.
First, your health depends on it. According to surveys by Gallup, only one third of Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers are "engaged" in their jobs. Nearly one in five is actively disengaged: They resent their jobs. Studies show that being disengaged at work is a recipe for becoming sick, stressed, and depressed.
For my part, I loved NPR and my job: But the stress of deadline news exacted a high emotional and physical price: Eventually (and inconveniently, for a radio reporter), I developed vocal cord paralysis, which caused nearly unbearable chronic pain in my throat. I remembered something that a career expert who advises people on mid-career transitions said to me. If you are in a job that is not quite right for you, one of two things is likely to happen: You will leave your job, or your body will make you leave your job. My body made me leave, and while my case may seem extreme, many people who are in dead-end or overly stressful jobs are paying a physical price for it.
The second reason to reevaluate your career in the middle of it is what I think of as the "new math" of midlife. Unlike our parents, most of us can't retire at 65 for a life of golf, because we will outlive our retirement savings. If you have to work another 10, 15, 20 years, wouldn't you rather spend those years doing something you consider meaningful and purposeful, rather than just hanging on in a job where you are no longer growing?
How do you do that? Career coaches and researchers I interviewed suggest two paths. The first is: Stay in your organization, but try to pivot so that you are doing more of the things you are good at and love, and less of the tasks that make you miserable. Sometimes it means returning to your first love -- leaving management to return to writing or more creative but less prestigious work.
The other path is to dip your toe in the water, through volunteering or going back to school. I interviewed a woman who relished serving on the board of the Montessori school that her children attended; eventually she became the school principal. I talked with a banker who earned his divinity degree at night; now he serves a congregation in Florida. In fact, I dipped my toe in the water. In my late 40s, I wrote my first book (Fingerprints of God) to see if I enjoyed book writing. I loved it -- and when my health demanded I leave daily news, I had already tested out a new career.
PS: What was your biggest surprise researching the book??
BH: The first big surprise is how remarkable the middle-aged brain is. I was convinced that my memory was going to hell in a handbasket. I forgot names, I often couldn't recall telephone numbers long enough to dial them, I was always running around looking for my keys. But the research is clear. At midlife, your brain is operating at peak capacity.
It's true: After 30, your synapses are firing more slowly, which translates into slower processing speed, and the neural connections might not be quite as robust, so your recall isn't what it used to be. But your brain is more than compensating. Your expertise (in your job), your experience (in navigating workplace or personal minefields), your wisdom and your perspective increases every year, right into your 70s. This is why you want a 50-year-old surgeon and not one 20 years younger. The young surgeon might have faster and more nimble fingers -- but the older doctor has performed thousands more surgeries, and when things go amiss on the operating table, that experienced doctor is far more likely to know what to do to save your life.
The second surprise was the centrality of healthy relationships to thriving in the second half of life -- not just marriage, but friendships. Family and friends share the burdens and stresses of life with you. This has a biological effect. Because we are wired for relationships, people with a network of close relationships live longer, are more likely to keep their memories intact, experience lower stress levels, recover more quickly from cancer, and enjoy a more robust immune system than those who have few or no friends. And here's the kicker: Friends seem to convey more health benefits than family, because you can choose the friends who bring you joy and solace, but you can't choose your family.
PS: Talk to me about the importance of positive thinking as we advance in years?
BH: The resilience research suggests that optimistic thinking is a key trait in recovering from traumas or setbacks. I interviewed a man named Bob Stifel, who developed an infection (necrotizing fasciitis) one day, and a few days later found himself with his left amputated above the knee. As he told the story, detailing his appreciation for the hospital staff, his delight at seeing the scores of friends who visited him, his gratitude that he didn't die so he could watch his kids grow up and his wife grow old with him, it became clear that Bob is a glass-half-full kind of guy. Research shows that optimism -- which co-presents with other important traits of resilience such as gratitude and having a network of friends -- helps a person bounce back from traumas more quickly and more easily.
But there is a trait even more critical to thriving than optimism. It's called "purpose in life," that is, having a reason to get out of bed. Researchers at Rush University Medical Center have followed hundreds of older people for nearly 20 years, giving them regular cognitive and psychological tests until they die, at which time the researchers perform an autopsy. They found that one third of the people whose autopsies revealed the plaques and tangles of Alzheimer's disease never showed symptoms of dementia. They displayed no memory loss, no confusion or disorientation, no personality changes, virtually no change in their cognitive scores. They're called "escapees." When the researchers looked at what these people did differently, they found that those who scored high in "purpose in life" were far more likely to escape the ravages of dementia. The lesson for us in middle age is to invest in things that matter: Your children or grandchildren, your career (as long as it doesn't colonize all your emotional territory), a hobby like learning Spanish, or a cause, such as volunteering at a food bank or political campaign, participating at your church or synagogue -- anything outside of yourself that give you a sense of purpose.
PS: Still cycling much these days?
BH: Absolutely, I just came back from a 20 mile jaunt. I began cycling three years ago, after I had to quit running because of arthritis in my knee. It really began as a dare: Mike Adsit, a competitive cyclist whom I interviewed for my book, challenged me to try to qualify in the National Senior Games, which is a competition for athletes 50 and older. I can't resist a dare, so I began cycling every day, and found myself with a "little purpose" -- a reason to get up in the morning, something that gave me small goals during the long, solitary, and seamless years of writing my book. Thanks to Mike's coaching, I did compete in three cycling races last year, and acquitted myself well enough (not on the podium, but in the top 10). I am back in training, and hope to qualify again in late May.
Cycling, for me, is a trifecta of healthy aging. It gives me purpose. It has introduced me to a new set of friends, a group of 40- and 50-something women cyclists who ride together each week. And if the brain science of exercise is any guide, I am probably preserving new brain cells and my memory.
But the real reason I rode 20 miles this morning in the rain? It's a blast.
Disclaimer: Her publisher sent me a free copy for a potential interview or story.