10 Things To Do Before Summer Ends

Holy Cow! Summer is half over. August. This is it. The days are getting shorter. Football is creeping into the news. Christmas carols will be playing in Starbucks in no time. Sure, there are good parts to this-- kids go back to school and the airports become less crowded, but there is still a lot of fun to be had.

Here's a quick list of things you should knock off before it all comes to an end:

1) Book a trip to New Orleans and get the last of the oil covered shrimp gumbo.

2) Try on that Speedo you have hidden in your closet and march down to CVS and buy a case of Nair Hair Removal.

3) Head to Arizona, enter a candy shop, buy some gummy Mexican hats and see what happens.

4) Admit that this isn't your summer for rock hard abs and start pounding Ben & Jerry's for that one round boulder ab.

5) Pee in a pool and see once and for all if that red dye thing is real.

6) Smoke pot without a medical card in Los Angeles before it's legalized and as lame as drinking a Bud Light.

7) Go see Inception and continually yell out in the theater "Am I awake yet?"

8) Go to a Mets game in your underwear, start swearing at the fans and see if they put you in Jerry's seats.

9) Be the first to turn your local pool into a nude beach.

10) Watch the sunset, realize that the summer is ending and blame it on Obama.

Tom Papa is a stand-up comedian and host of "The Marriage Ref." He is performing at Caroline's on Broadway comedy club in New York city, this Thursday through Saturday August 5-7.