We knew the honeymoon was going to end sooner or later, yet we still don’t know how to deal with it when it ends.
Many couples are still unpacking their bridal gifts when it becomes increasingly clear that the honeymoon is over.
Those fights that you swore you would never have – erupt.
Those things you promised you would never say to each other – you’ve said!
And well, you can’t believe the person you swore to love forever – and whom you do love more than anyone else in the world – is driving you crazy!
So what’s going on?
Chances are the honeymoon phase of your marriage is over. The reality of married life has begun – with all its twists and turns into uncharted waters.
Following are 3 common stressors most couples face & how to deal with them.
1. MONEY. Money is often cited as the #1 reason for divorce – whether you are wealthy or financially struggling. Some of the money fights I’ve heard while helping couples include: how much money to spend vs. how much money to save? What is considered to be discrepancy spending? Etc.
Solution: As soon as financial tension is felt, talk to each other about what your financial goals are - as a couple. Understand you are in it together. Work out a compromise that isn’t set in stone – it can be re-visited as often as you like.
2. SEX. Newlyweds usually have sex as often as possible. As the years pass & life includes children and/or a more stressful job requiring longer hours at work, the frequency of sex usually decreases. This is normal. The problem occurs when one partner wants sex more frequently than the other – and this partner becomes resentful of the other.
Solution: The person who wants sex less frequently than their partner needs to let their partner know that they don’t love them any less. (Usually a change in hormonal levels is responsible for a lowering of one’s sex drive). The key is to keep resentment out of the bedroom.
You can do this by having each person compromise on their sexual needs. For example, the person than wants sex more frequently might have to compromise on having sex less than they would prefer. While the person who wants less sex needs to have sex more times than they would prefer.
It’s really important that you keep the bedroom a place of love & harmony in your marriage – and not a battlefield.
3. You or your partner are just plain miserable. You or your partner’s unhappiness with life may have absolutely nothing to do with your marriage.
The unhappiness might be related to a crazy boss, a toxic work environment, worry over an aging parent or any other number of things.
Solution: Clearly communicate to your partner that your happiness has nothing to do with them – or your marriage.
Let your partner know your unhappiness has to do with circumstances outside your marriage. This will re-assure them and prevent them from guessing what they may be doing wrong.
Although the honeymoon will eventually end, follow the above tips to keep that loving feeling as you navigate the stormy waters of life.
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