Anyone who’s taken care of a toddler can tell you the experience comes with unending chaos, messes and laughs.
The parents of Twitter can attest to this, as many have vented about their toddler struggles and poked fun at their tiny humans in the form of hilarious tweets.
To offer some comic relief to other toddler parents (or remind them that they aren’t alone), we’ve rounded up 35 of these spot-on tweets about life with toddlers. Enjoy!
It takes my toddler son four minutes to put his shoes on, yet he can delete three apps & open Netflix on my iPhone in 12 seconds.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 4, 2016
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 9, 2016
I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 27, 2016
I've never won anything on a game show, but a three year old at my kid's daycare just tried to give me a set of car keys.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 23, 2017
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 5, 2017
My toddler is trying to put away her crayons in a box with no bottom
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 1, 2016
I’d help her, but she’s too happy
She thinks she has infinite crayons
I have a solar eclipse every two minutes inside my living room ever since my toddler learned how to open & close the blinds.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 20, 2017
It takes about 3 gallons of paint to paint a room, or a single packet of ketchup for a toddler to paint an entire house.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 12, 2018
The very first thing my 3yo daughter said to me this morning was "I know how to start a fire!" so nothing you guys say today can scare me.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) May 21, 2014
"Wow, I've always wanted this."
— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 27, 2017
~ something my 3yo didn't know existed 2 seconds ago
My 2-year-old called the vehicle for sick people a "wee woo truck" and now I don't even remember what the right name is anymore.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2017
"Parenting" is calmly explaining to a crying toddler that their head is still attached to their body after they put on their shirt by themselves for the first time.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) May 14, 2018
Yes, I did just let my 3yo cheat during a game of Chutes & Ladders.
— Julie@NextLifeNOKids (@NextLifeNOKids) July 13, 2016
Because I don't have four hours to play a game of Chutes & Ladders.
VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 12, 2016
Trying to wash my toddler's hair during bath time is what I imagine it would be like to baptize an angry raccoon.
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) October 6, 2016
The best way for me to get my 3 year old's attention is to try and rest for a second.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) May 23, 2014
3yo leaves dinner table, removes all his clothes, and yells "Guess who's here.... NAKED BOY!" This is why we can't eat out.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) July 17, 2013
i ask my toddler what's in the box she's holding. "chaos!" she replies. "chaos! chaos!" i know she's trying to say "crayons," but it's not like she's wrong.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) January 9, 2018
My 2-year-old handed me a candy bar.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) November 8, 2016
I hugged her for finally learning how to share.
Turns out she just wanted me to open it.
I told my toddler we can't talk in church so she started gesturing wildly, yelling, "SHHHHHH! NO TALKING!!!!" at the pastor.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) August 21, 2017
This morning my 3yo had a tantrum because she thought my skin was chocolate and was pissed when I wouldn't let her eat me.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) August 5, 2014
My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. pic.twitter.com/MFKWJ2rNqi
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) October 24, 2014
My toddler locked himself in his room. So we both win.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) February 16, 2017
2 yo has been crying for 20 minutes because she misses her booger. In case you wondered what motherhood is like.
— under her smoky eye (@StephDsays) January 24, 2017
Ahhh, you've put your toddler to bed, now you can finally - just kidding, he's up again.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 19, 2015
My toddler wanted to have an argument about who pooped in the diaper she was wearing.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 27, 2017
And it was the least crazy thing she did all day.
Want to know fear?
— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) January 25, 2017
Randomly feeling your toddler smear something wet on your exposed arm...Then running away.
If you let your toddler help himself to a cup of water and carry it to the table, that counts as mopping the floor, right?
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 11, 2014
My 1-year-old insisted that I read her this book.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 4, 2017
It's going to be a long morning. pic.twitter.com/uXpGJLnAT2
"And I'm going to live with you forever and ever"
— AussieAnnie (@MummaCrazy) July 7, 2015
~Toddler threats
[Grocery store intercom] Attention shoppers, please come to the front desk if you've lost a toddler shoe.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 18, 2015
[50 parents come to front desk]
When Bea was 3:
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
So, when does the brushing of a toddler's teeth become less wrestling match & more cooperative dance? (When I wake up, right?) #parenthood
— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) May 24, 2011
The longest song in the world is the Happy Birthday song to a toddler who is ready to help blow out some candles.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 10, 2016
I feel like I could release my toddler into the wild and she'd probably do fine
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) May 13, 2016
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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