Perform a quick Google search and you will find an overwhelming amount of online dating email tips. The problem is, most of the emailing advice out there is either cliche, redundant, or even worse, detrimental to your overall success.
But today I’d like to focus on taking the redundancy out of all online dating email tips in circulation and provide you with some more advanced advice on the subject. Let’s take a look at 5 of my best emailing tips that you’ve probably never read before, but should definitely take the time to learn.
Emailing Tip #1. Use your questions marks properly
What do I mean by this? Are you sure you want to know? Do you see how many question marks I just used?
This is exactly what you need to stay away from when you write online dating emails. I want you to take a look at the difference between the following 2 emails:
Email example 1:
That’s hysterical. My dog can actually be just as crazy too sometimes. What breed is she though? Does she always always get that crazy when you go on hikes? Where do you like to go hiking by the way? My favorite trail is on the West Side of town where the mountains overlook the water. Have you ever been?
Email example 2:
That is hysterical. My dog can actually be just as crazy sometimes. I hope your dog doesn’t always go that crazy on hikes though!
So what type of breed is your dog... Are there any trails you like to go hiking on the most? My favorite one is on the West Side of town where the mountains overlook the water...
Let’s now take a moment to analyze the two examples above.
The 1st example has a total of 4 question marks. The over abundance of question marks makes the email feel overwhelming, comes across as too eager, and has a visual appearance that makes the writer appear desperate.
The 2nd example says almost the exact same thing, but uses 3 less question marks, is more visually appealing, and doesn’t feel overwhelming upon first glance.
Swapping “Does she always always get that crazy when you go on hikes?” for “ I hope your dog doesn’t always go that crazy on hikes though!” still allows the reader to comment on that aspect of the email if they choose to without an extra question.
The same philosophy applies to ending the email with a “...” If the reader wants to specifically acknowledge or respond to that part of the email, they can, but it is not a requirement. These are great alternatives to question marks in order to keep the visual presentation friendly.
Emailing Tip #2. Provide your emails with structure
Let’s go back to the example we used above and present it in 2 different ways.
Original Email Structure:
That is hysterical. My dog can actually be just as crazy sometimes. I hope your dog doesn’t always go that crazy on hikes though! So what type of breed is your dog... Are there any trails you like to go hiking on the most? My favorite one is on the West Side of town where the mountains overlook the water...
New and Improved Email Structure:
That is hysterical. My dog can actually be just as crazy sometimes. I hope your dog doesn’t always go that crazy on hikes though!
So what type of breed is your dog... Are there any trails you like to go hiking on the most? My favorite one is on the West Side of town where the mountains overlook the water...
Which example looks more visually appealing and user friendly to you?
Most people would unequivocally say that the 2nd example is the winner. 2 mini paragraphs are much more visually friendly than 1 big paragraph. This may seem like a minuscule detail, but visually friendly emails psychologically feel like less work to read and respond to even if they are the exact same word count.
Always break the emails you write into 2-3 sentence mini-paragraphs.
Emailing Tip #3. Create implicit social value and demand for yourself.
Let’s once again look at 2 different examples. This time we will focus on the very end of the email.
Example Ending #1:
Hope to hear from you! - Stacy
Example Ending #2:
Anyway, I have to run... I’m about to meet up with some friends and then we are heading to a concert. Enjoy the rest of your night though, I’ll talk to you soon!
Now let’s analyze:
In the 1st example Stacy creates the impression that she is just sitting around, “hoping” to hear back from the person she is emailing. The framing and word choice isn’t exactly the best look.
In the 2nd example Stacy appears to be a women who is fun, has an active social life, and all around, has a lot going on in her life.
The 2nd email example is able to portray a much more interesting person by simply ending the email with a brief description of the night that lies ahead.
What if you aren’t doing anything exciting? That’s ok. Most of us don’t do all that much on a typical work night. But even something as simple as saying, “Anyway, I’m off to watch The Walking Dead!” because you noticed he also loves that show can stir up and create some excitement.
Emailing Tip #4. Bait the reader into a follow up conversation
Let’s once again go back to the previous example. Suppose fictional online dating character Stacy ends her email with, “Anyway, I have to run... I’m about to meet up with some friends and then we are heading to a concert. Enjoy the rest of your night though, I’ll talk to you soon!”
She has now set up an easy opportunity for the other person to ask her about the concert, which could transition to conversation about favorite bands, types of music, etc.
If Stacy went with the alternative example I gave, “Anyway, I’m off to watch The Walking Dead!” and her object of affection also loves that show, this will bait him into follow up conversation about the show.
You don’t always have to ask questions to make a conversation exciting. Sometimes all you need to do is throw out a little bait to reel your audience in.
Emailing Tip #5. Spamming works (But only when used responsibly)
Most online dating experts discourage spamming out messages. I am one of them. Unless of course, you spam properly.
What I mean by this is that it is hard to create original creative material every time you talk to someone. At the same time, nobody wants to feel like you’ve sent the same message to every other person on the site.
So you can spam, but spam with a purpose. For example, if I have a funny opening email that works well on doctor’s, I can use that on multiple doctor’s. By playfully opening with something that relates specifically to their career, they won’t be wondering if I am spamming because they are actually doctors!
If I have something that works well on teachers, lawyers, nurses, dog lovers, etc., I can do the same thing. With that said, I would still go out of the way to add a quick question that shows you read the profile. Authenticity still goes a long way even if you are taking small shortcuts.
Bio: For more free online dating email tips from Joshua Pompey, including some more mainstream emailing tips, check out this article on how to successfully email the busy and well rounded professional. Or learn how a professional profile writer can drastically change your results online.