When I woke up at 4:00am on November 9th, checked my phone and found out who had won the election, I felt a pit in my stomach. It was hard for me to imagine someone who had used hateful language against Mexicans, Muslims and women would be leading our country. Still, as the optimist that I’ve learned to be, I knew there was hope for unity, for people with the same beliefs as mine to come together and stand strong to protect the rights and freedoms we treasure.
In many ways, my hopes are coming true. The Women’s March was bigger than I ever imagined. The conversations I’ve had with friends on how to strategically stop President Trump’s agenda from manifesting have made our relationships tighter than ever. Watching the news coverage of Muslims being reunited with their families at airports after they were banned from entering the United States, I saw onlookers shed tears of joy just as I did as a viewer at home. Despite the violence that developed on the sidelines during the inauguration and the damage at UC Berkeley during the protests against Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos’s planned appearance, I appreciated that up to this point the response to hate has been overwhelmingly peaceful and positive.
Then last week I saw something on Facebook that disappointed me. A political post made me pause. It was a call to action asking people to send pink postcards to the White House with messages for President Trump and to mail them on March 15th so that the administration would be overwhelmed by these “pink slips”. I applauded this very creative way of protesting, but then I read further down the post and found this.: “So sharpen your wit, unsheathe your writing implements, and see if your sincerest ill-wishes can pierce Donald’s famously thin skin.” Further down the post these words were used—“It might just be enough to make him crack.”
In researching the origin of this movement, I found a Facebook event called The Ides of Trump, and their current message says, “So sharpen your wit, unsheathe your writing implements, and write from the heart.” There was nothing within their post about making the President “crack”. I’m not sure if the creators of this event changed their message or if it got altered by someone else along the way, but regardless the post has gone viral and has appeared on the Facebook pages of several of my activist friends.
I’m not happy that Donald Trump is our president. There’s very little I like about him….well, actually as I write this article, I can say definitively that there’s not a single thing I like about him and his agenda. But as I saw friends share this post with the hopeful message of President Trump cracking, the same friends who are incredibly loving people who contribute wonderful and beautiful things to society, it made me sad. As much as I don’t like him, I don’t want him to crack, nor do I want others to want him to crack.
It’s natural that there’s hatefulness seeping into the movement against President Trump’s agenda. It was bound to happen thanks to the one rule we’ve all been taught. It’s the rule that originated in many different ancient societies, exists in nearly every religion and the one piece of dogma we can all agree on and perhaps the only thing that can bring us all together. The Golden Rule—do to others what you would want them to do to you. During the campaign when we got to know President Trump’s thoughts about Mexicans, Muslims and women, it’s understandable that the organic response was to hit him back where we think it would hurt him the most.
However, the Golden Rule is also known as the law of reciprocity. If it becomes more appealing to respond to every idiotic idea and comment from President Trump with hate, might we be inviting that same response back? And not only that, but are we then taking steps towards becoming what we’re attempting to stop?
I shared this sentiment with a friend over coffee. He immediately understood where I was coming from and felt upset by some of the signs he saw at the Women’s March. He mentioned the signs that made fun of President Trump’s small hands. It made him wonder about the guy marching right there with the other women who also has small hands and if it stung to see that being ridiculed. I remembered seeing many of those signs online, many whose cleverness I appreciated as a writer, and I’ll admit that at the time I smiled when I first read the ones that dumped on President Trump.
Now these messages bother me, and the reason why is not because of what they’re saying, but because of who they’re coming from. Lovely, nice, inclusive people who as a response to hate are using hateful language, and I understand why. My immigrant friends are scared that their families will be separated. My LGBTQ friends are nervous that their rights will go away. My Muslim friends are completely terrified by the unknown. All of these groups are worried about the negative rhetoric from the President and his administration spreading across our country and changing the progress all minorities groups and their supporters have made. I get that these groups and those of us who support them should not be silent. But the biggest upset, greater than Donald Trump winning the presidency despite Hillary Clinton winning the popular vote, I started to see within myself, and I’m seeing the same downfall from those I look up to, those who inspire me and those whose light the world needs most. I don’t want us to become what we’re fighting against.
I think back to when my post-traumatic stress disorder was at its worst over fifteen years ago. I remember anger being the emotion just below the surface and outbursts breaking through with very little stimulation. I saw the world through very negative eyes. I know what it’s like to live like that for years, and it’s completely draining and awful. One of the hardest parts about having PTSD is understanding that no one can bring you out of that dark place….you have to choose to get yourself out. As I climbed out of the anger and embraced a positive outlook, I quickly learned that the things we want to feel and experience don’t come automatically. They require action.
I’m far from the only one that gets that idea. That’s why there’s so much action right now. That’s why the woman’s march was worldwide. That’s why every Saturday since the inauguration there have been marches and protests. That’s why people are calling and emailing their representatives on a daily basis. All of this action is happening because people understand that we have to get ourselves out of this situation. Ultimately, those of us who are in this movement want the same thing; love for immigrants, for LGBTQ, for Muslims, for refugees, for women, for everyone.
As someone who knows how easy it is to fall into anger, I ask that those who are in this fight that you fight with love. It’s the strategy Michelle Obama asked us to use when she said, “When they go low, we go high.” Love is ultimately what we want our country and our world to be all about. I don’t want love to get lost within the fight for what we believe. I’m sure you don’t as well.