The Quickest Way to Tell If It’s Love

05/06/2017 02:02 pm ET

The Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Jump In

Making love to anyone is a prospect that we should always approach with caution, however impulsive we may feel at the moment.

There are categories of need in every intimate bond: safety, security, strength, recognition, acknowledgment, respect, tenderness, trust, loyalty, and a sense of belonging.

These needs come in many guises, but if you can name just one or two core values that you both share, that sets you on the path to healing the bond. And if you can’t, take this as a sign that’s something’s seriously off.

We spend so much time thinking and analyzing what’s in front of us and what’s happening around us that we dictate what our future should be; that is, we orchestrate the events to suit our desires and propel ourselves into a state of act and react.

If you feel as though your romantic relationship is struggling, it is important to take a minute and ask yourself some simple but essential questions:

What do I need?

What does the other person need?

Do I feel okay about asking for it?

Can they comfortably ask for what they require of me?

When it comes to romance, ask yourself what aspects are most important to you. Is loyalty the primary thing you seek? Is it safety and security? Or a love mate with similar interests?

Then ask yourself a few questions about your partner:

Who am I being seduced by?

What is this other person’s primary desire, and is it opposed to mine?

Could this trigger the love addict in me?

If we follow our gut hits, we get the opportunity to observe the signs that are put in front of us. There are always signs if we look for them, and they are put there for us to sense and act or react upon.

When we do give love, remember that our euphoria can switch off our hearts in subtle ways. Before making that jump with anyone, think about what values align with your core, and know that the partners you choose will be much more aligned with what you really want.

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone — we find it with another.” - Thomas Merton

Read more work by life advisor Suzannah Galland on her website or on Medium.

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