I will be interrupted four or five times while writing this by a mischievous toddler pulling down my shirt to have her “boobie juice.” This is the life of an extended breastfeeding mom. Yes folks, breastfeeding can be challenging, draining, hard, emotional, blissful, painful and so much more.
But no one ever tells you how lonely breastfeeding can be until you are laying on the floor with a sleeping baby attached to your chest, inching yourself closer to the plate of donuts. How did I come to this?
I believe women work best when they come together in community. In ancient times we would live in tribes and small communal circles. In these small communities, women, mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers would come together to cook, clean and look after the children. There was continuous support for new mothers, young wives, and the elderly.
Nowadays we have lost the community and it has been replaced instead with a virtual community, but it doesn’t quite feel the same. That’s why one day while scrolling through my Facebook feed, I had the idea: why not bring the online community into the real world? So I reach out to my fellow mommies in the Crunchy Mommy Group and asked if we could organize a breastfeeding meet up.
Sharing Our Breastfeeding Stories
It was comforting to know there were other mothers out there feeling as lonely and tired and fed up as I was. On the day of the gathering, everyone was so excited to get together and share their breastfeeding stories. That day we decided to put together a mini photo shoot to honor these breastfeeding mothers and my friend Bess from Aurora Photography captured some absolutely stunning pictures.
Before the group breastfeeding shoot - also lovingly known as a “latch on” - we gathered together in a circle to share some of our stories. Slowly but surely the mothers started opening up to tell the truth about their struggles, their beliefs about breastfeeding, the judgment they had faced, and their ups and downs.
Here are a few breastfeeding stories from the women who shared that day:
1. Feeling Unsupported
“With my first [child] I only breastfed for one month and then painstakingly pumped for an additional five months. I cried so much the first time we gave formula, I couldn't even watch. Not because formula is bad but I felt like such a failure. I think it's really what motivated me to have a second child and try again.
I had very little support, and the support I did have (they didn't mean to) made me feel like I just wasn't a natural mother. The second time around I spent at least half of my pregnancy (if not all) just researching breastfeeding. Not so much the how to, but the what can go wrong. Hearing the struggles made me feel more normal. And I breastfed her until almost two and a half years old. I was so much more confident. No nursing cover either! Maybe a scarf here and there, but very rarely and most importantly, I was surrounded by other nursing moms.”
- Nina Moon
2. When No One Else is Breastfeeding
“During the photo shoot I loved to see all the beautiful nursing mamas, especially the ones nursing toddlers. I've felt so alone. Besides in my groups on Facebook, I don't know anyone besides my best friend who lives far away who is nursing. I feel like all the people I really like and am so much like "live" online. This breastfeeding photo shoot is important to me because so many people are against breastfeeding in front of kids, especially boys. I always breastfeed in front of my older son and talk to them both about it. This shows how amazing it can be to teach them the right way.”
-Marissa Mintz-Forte
3. Learning to Love the Journey
“Since the first time I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I knew I was going to breastfeed. Breastfeeding was so normal in my house, my mom breastfed me for 23 months, my sister breastfed her two children, so I knew I was going to have the best support system. It was not easy at the beginning, the were long days and much longer nights, the was a lot of pain and struggles with latching. I’m not going to lie, I thought about quitting sometimes, but I knew it was the best for my kids, and after time, it just became so natural to me and a lot more easy with baby number two, she still nursing! So here I am, a mother of two beautiful breastfed babies. Latch on mamas, everybody told me it was going to be a beauty experience with its ups and downs, but nobody told me that the journey was going to be so amazing.”
- Marialejandra Beltran
4. That Special Bond
“ This is my third baby that I have breastfed. She is currently 9 months old. I breastfed my others for 15 and 12 months. With this current journey, the obstacle I have faced includes pain during breastfeeding early on. Being that I nursed my older two children, I knew early on that something was not right. I never experienced pain with them. With my 9 month old, it hurt from day one. I began to research and realized that she has lip and tongue tie, but I did not want any revisions done. We've made it this far. She dream nurses throughout the night for comfort. I feel blessed to have a bond with her. Being that my older two are 13 and 11 years old, I am well aware that this precious moment will be something I treasure for the rest of my life. So I cherish every moment that I hold Cali in my arms and nurse her. I've learned that I am determined and do not care what others think. When society frowns upon our bond, it makes me stronger to know that I am doing what is best for my daughter.”
- Arlene Ovalles Fontana
5. Persevering Through the Pain
“It's amazing to me because I still remember the first week of breastfeeding and thinking, "there's no way I can do this. This isn't what I expected it to be." It was tough for us at first and she had difficulty latching. Meanwhile, I overproduced milk and was constantly having to change all my clothes. It was a mess! But just like most things in life, if you pursue them with an open heart, breastfeeding has become the most beautiful journey. Everyday we get to snuggle close and spend quiet moments together. I am so thankful that I didn't give up that first week. That I persevered through the pain, frustration, and problems. Because now I get to experience this with my little girl before she grows up and is too busy to cuddle with mom.”
- Suki Eleuterio
6. Why We Must Normalize Breastfeeding
“I had intense breastfeeding grief my first time around. Over-production, mastitis monthly, sometimes weekly. I learned after the fact that Eden had tongue tie. She got terrible gas from breastfeeding, taking in so much air, that she barely slept her first year. It was hell. I nursed her for 3 years, of which every single nursing session left my nipples white and in searing pain. There is much residual trauma from that time period. Nursing has the potential to bring beauty, grace, wonder and love. Without support and adequate knowledge, however, it can be a long, painful, lonely road. An important reminder that not only must we normalize breastfeeding, we must make support networks and education more available to all new mothers.
- Love Cohen
I would like to applaud all the women - pictured and not pictured - who were brave enough to share from the heart so we can finally normalize breastfeeding and let other mothers know to hang in there!