My friends and family keep using the word 'brave' to describe me and my 'mature' year in Italy, but it makes me uncomfortable somehow, since I don't feel brave (and what does that mean, anyhow? somehow that's too philosophical a question for today, when my feet hurt!).
I am NOT merely concentrating on the negative here (ok, sometimes I do, but my more natural leaning is to look on the ridiculously bright side of things....), but here is a list of things I am not brave enough to do (yet) -----
1. I bring a book with me to every meal, and read while waiting and eating, probably to avoid 1) making eye contact, 2) feeling vulnerable and 3) thinking about being alone. Im sure there are more reasons, but that's enough for now.....
2. I whine. I feel sorry for myself. I am tempted to go down the 'what should be...' road. I create my own 'safety zone' by acting predictably -
I plan (or am under the delusion that I do), so that, here in Venice for a few days, I have a hotel recommended by a friend (thanks, Jane) to serve as my base. I now know my way back here pretty well, even if not always via the shortest route.
I am learning my limits. I don't like the crowds, so a few minutes in St. Mark's Square was more than enough for me. I headed off in other directions, seeking some room to meander.
I also know I have to sit down periodically and breathe it all in, so I am 'following the churches'. I bought a 10 euro ticket that gives me access to all the churches around Venice that charge an entrance fee, so I am following the (very clear and large - hooray!) map and trying to visit as many as possible - they are pretty uniformly spectacular and overwhelming, and they also offer wonderful resting places.
I have to shop (for others, but also, admittedly, for myself - I really did need some Italian tights today.....).
3. I am predictable. When confronted with a new situation (usually of my own choosing, like coming to Venice for a few days alone), my first question to myself is, 'what the hell am I doing here?'. I have to remember that these feelings and questions aren't new for me, even if the place is new. And, fortunately, I can usually get over it without beating myself up too badly - after all, to whine for too long in Venice just doesn't seem right!
4. This journey is complex for me, and the daily emotions are complex.
5. I'm scared of many things. At least until I know I can get 'home' to someplace comfortable and safe, I am terrified of putting myself in any kind of real or imagined danger. I feel safe wandering around Italy, and I stay in well-lit (relatively, considering the narrow alleyways) places full of people, but I am not good at maps or directions or even the language!
I'm also afraid of being in places that I think emphasize my alone-ness, so I am still missing a lot. I don't really want to go to the bars for an appertivo and conversation in the afternoon as everyone seems to do, because I don't do well there and don't feel comfortable. Since I am romantically-challenged, I don't go to some of the wonderful recommendations I have received from my non-solo friends - foolish, but true....
Oh, well - I am learning on a daily basis....
I can't wait, though, so I must do and see and enjoy and try, but it is hard! As noted above, my feet hurt today (so I had to figure out how to buy a ticket and use the vaporetto in the right direction!), so I guess my pragmatism sometimes works - after all, I have to solve it by myself. Is that brave? I'd say it is pragmatic!
In Italian, 'brava' (f) means 'good', in a 'clever' or 'skillful' way, I have been told. That's a whole other story.....
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.