The following is a guest post from my friend Ashley Easter. Ashley is an advocate for victims of abuse in the church, and founder of The Courage Conference.
“It is natural for a woman to be submissive, obedient, nurturing, passive, timid, dependant, overly emotional, and easily deceived.”
How many times have we heard that the aforementioned traits are qualities natural to women? We hear this from secular society, and loudly from the church. I cannot tell you how many Christian books, blogs, and sermons I have been exposed to that painted women in this light.
Complementarians will say that men and women are born with uniquely different personality inclinations, but has anyone stopped to notice that all of the traits described for women, when put together, are also common symptoms of those who have suffered abuse?
Victims of abuse learn quickly that they must take a submissive, obedient role in the face of the abuser’s lust for power and control. Abusers use cruel tactics to push naturally active women into passive roles. Dependency is forced in the face of a dominant and controlling abuser. Victims of abuse often learn that they are expected to be nurturing to the point where they must anticipate and meet the abuser’s every need and desire in order to avoid greater abuse. Timidity often becomes the norm to someone in an abusive relationship. Describing someone as “easily deceived” is a common tool of abusers who employ gaslighting tactics. Fluctuating emotion can also be the result of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and other mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, which can stem from experiences of trauma and abuse.
I personally know many women who are natural and developed leaders, self-sufficient, fearless protectors, emotionally balanced, and wise beyond their years. However, sometimes stereotypes seem true for a reason. Perhaps women often display passive traits because of abuse and abusive cultural conditioning, not as a result of their biological sex.
Statistics say that 1 in 3 women experience abuse in their lifetime, but abuse is greatly under-reported (1). Additionally, in the past few years we have just started to recognize and name particular types of abuse that affect women, but were not believed to be harmful in the past. For instance, it wasn’t until 1993 that it was made illegal for a husband to rape his wife in all 50 states (2). Marital rape was no less damaging before the government decided to criminalize it, but the effects were greatly minimized. Cyber bullying has been going on since the inception of the internet, but only in the past few years has it been named and condemned widely. The sexual harassment of women in the workplace that was once considered a par for the course is now being called out as abusive on a large public scale.
What other types of abuse will we come to understand in the next few years? How many women are being traumatized with abuse we have yet to name? My guess is that this raises the statistics to far more than 1 in 3.
It is my belief that the great majority of women have in fact experienced some type of abuse, either directly or through systemic and societal conditioning.
Maybe Complementarians are not observing innate traits in women, but rather a trauma response in women living in patriarchal environments of power and control.
The woman’s natural state is not that of trauma response, but I fear the great majority of women have been forced to live as though it were.
-Ashley Easter
Ashley Easter is a writer, speaker, and abuse victim advocate. She promotes truth-seeking expeditions, advocates for gender equality, and educates the Church on abuse. She is the founder of The Courage Conference, an event that empowers survivors of abuse to continue to fight for their healing while also educating church leaders on prevention and proper response to abuse. And is the author of "The Courage Coach: A Practical Friendly Guide on How to Heal From Abuse".
Notes and Sources:
- “Only 344 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported to police. That means about 2 out of 3 go unreported.” -RAINN
- “Over the past two decades, with the substantial influence of advocates, States have changed their laws regarding marital rape. In 1986 the Federal Sexual Abuse Act criminalized marital rape on all Federal lands. On July 5, 1993, marital rape became a crime in at least 1 section of the sexual offense codes in all 50 States.” -Marital Rape: History, Research, and Practice