Whether it's an ask to God, to the dry cleaners or your intended, speak up. With a please and thank you of course added into the request. Ask and you shall receive. If no one asked, no one would be betrothed, get the ketchup on the side or have starched shirts. If we fail to place an order to the universe or to the waitress, we will likely not receive what we want. Asking is important, clearly. We first need to get clean with what we want, whether it's extra limes (please ) or a big universe order like a big bingo win or a new spouse.
The art of speaking up and stating what they want seems to quite easily slip out of the mouths of many folks I know. What I have noticed though is that some of the ones that do not ask well, either have a slight bit of shyness or a feeling of un-deservedness brewing inside their characters. When they finally ask for what they want, once they know it, it can come out as a demand; Get me a god damn lamb chop now. The demander usually is born from the following : A) ignorance B) being raised by wolves or parents that did not believe in washing sass mouths out with soap C) not feeling heard or D) excessive martyr syndrome gone awry. We all have bad moments, days, weeks. We have all seen these stinkers in action. We have been these stinkers on occasion. The ones that makes cringe when they order supper or even a book of stamps. We can get what we want without being rude. We just need to practice. Recently, two of my three teens called me out for being rude to a waitress. I was cranky and resentful of the Order Taker from a previous bad experience at the cafe so my ask came out with the taint of the recent past perceived slight affecting the tone of the words that flew out of my mouth before I could stop myself. I wanted to defend myself but I was wicked and I knew it. My kids said I even crinkled up my face (witchy-like when I placed my order, eww). In this case it would have been best if I had stated my beef when the incident originally happened rather than carrying the grunge over to the next ask and spoiling our lunch.
I have a rather extreme exaggerated distain for arrogance and rudeness, so I can tend to behave over reactively when I am around folks that behave like stuck up buffoons. Especially when I am the rude one. The hypocrisy of me meaningly asking for something levels me, no matter the justification my ego conjures up to balm my self repel. My character is in question and I feel shame. So I immediately check in now to sort out where the Linda Blair nerve in me was activated, apologize and begin again. I really really want to ask for what I want with grace and thanks even if the Other is a jerk. I need to keep calm and carry on of course. An ask when we are angry never turns out well. We usually receive the opposite of what we want.
Rather than wish for a bus to careen into the folks I don't care for (Geez, I don't want that karma), I request clearly and kindly to God, the universe, Please oh Please send this F*cker to Arkansas. The few stray pork rinds (toxic people in my life) haven't packed up and headed to "the Natural State," the 25th state to join the Union, as of yet. There is still hope that my ask will come true with a little magic fairy dust miracle. My eyes did land upon a book recently sitting upon the shelves at Ace Hotel, while waiting for my Stumptown beverage to brew, and that was a little inspiration gifted to me. That glimpse seeded hope. Daily, I stand in front of the shelves and I Ask for a sign, close my eyes for a moment and the read the book title nearest to my nose. When will this irritating human move out of state, far away from my life I ask, and Voila', Arkansas is the book title that pops in front of my eyes on this particular day. I am waiting, patiently, still for the change of address to come in the mail.
My notice with my Lift clients is they have had little training in asking for what they want, so they tend to suck at it, either they don't ask and they stew or forgo or even worse they are like the demanding lamb chop guy (or the mean me). I am gathering through this little life coaching laboratory of mine that when we take a pause and invest the time to excavate our desires and we get to the crux of what we really want, we can ask for it properly. And likely receive. So let's be true and kind with our Asks; I would like a piece of delicious cake/a new honey/the heat turned down please and the world may just allow us to Receive with ease.