By Katie Schuck for CTWorkingMoms.com
(Katie has a 1-year-old son named Max)
Last night my husband had a conversation with me about my issues with asking for help. It went something like this:
H: "I signed up for flag football on Sundays and wanted to check to make sure our schedules were OK."
Me: "Yeah, that works. Actually, that works out great, because then I can sign up for pottery or that Zumba class that I want to take."
H: "Hun, you do realize it is not a tit for tat thing? You could have signed up for that before I signed up for football. Now that I think of it, what is your problem!? You need to remember to do things for yourself."
Me: "I know, I just don't want to dump more on your plate, I know you have work and school." [My hubby is going back for a business degree.]
H: "You are not dumping anything on me and you do realize Max is my son, too, and it's not a problem."
Me: "Well..."
H: "No 'well'! Will you stop not asking for anything? I am here in this too, you know."
Me: "I know."
But do I really know?
When I think about it, he's right. I literally do not ask for much of anything. I work and take care of a lot of Max-related duties and it's not because I think my husband can't handle it. My husband is amazing with our son and I have left for days for a business trip in the past and he did a great job.
I don't understand why I don't ask for more help or make more "me" time. Right now, my favorite time of the week is Sunday because my husband takes the morning shift with Max and I get to sleep in until 9 a.m..
It's almost like I wait for him to want to do something and I keep a list of his activities so I can make a list of my own. What is my problem? I have been with my husband for eight years and married for almost five, and he has always been there the very few times I ask for help (I can think of maybe three to four times).
I feel like I should spearhead the creation of a support group for working mothers who do not ask for help.
"Hi, my name is Katie and I never ask for help."
Sometimes I think the culprit is my control issues, but I also have what we refer to as extreme "Catholic guilt." I feel bad about not making everyone else happy and most of the time I am not on that list. I find that keeping everyone else happy makes me happy.
So I ask my fellow working mommas, how do we change this awful habit?
I'm going to sign up for a class this week come hell or high water and make sure I take advantage of the fact that I am not alone in my struggle with this. Do you feel like you do everything alone? What are you going to do for yourself this week?
Let's all say this together:
We deserve it.
We deserve it.
We deserve it.
Do you think if I keep repeating this mantra I might actually believe it one day?