All good things must come to an end. As we conclude the last of our “Bad Moms Series” of course we have to go out with a bang. This last topic is the mother of all topics. Before we go any further I want you to ask yourself a simple yet complex question. Are you a control freak?
Ever notice how the only person a control freak cannot control is themselves? Although, yes, you are the parent and you “brought” your child(ren) into the world (literally), YOU are the ONLY person YOU can control, but it’s so difficult for some parents to control themselves. Being in control is good but only if there is a proper balance with it. Anything that is out of balance is considered an addiction.
Did you know that you could be addicted to being in control? How does simply being in control spiral downward so much until you become a control freak?
Be honest and ask yourself the following questions.
Control freak questionnaire…
Do you always have to know what is going to happen before it happens?
Do you respond unpleasantly when something happens beyond your control?
Do you often feel out of control?
Do you find yourself dismissing good advice from others?
Do you find yourself lying and/or manipulating others into thinking or believing the way you want them to?
If you answered yes to most of those questions above, I’m sorry to say you have been bitten by the control freak bug. That last question takes a really big person to admit but let’s look further into the questions for greater clarity.
Honestly, the first one can be anyone who is a parent. Most parents would want as well as need to know what’s going to happen before it happens in order to prevent any harm or danger, so this one has to be too extreme in order to be considered a control addiction. What about when things happen (as they will more often than not) that are beyond our control? Do you get off balance to the point where you are unbearable? You may sulk, or, just the opposite, you may act loud and boisterous but whatever you do, it is not a good look, even for you.
Do you often have a feeling of being out of control as if there is nothing you can do that would make things better? Like the more you try the more out of control things become? How about when you “go” to others for advice, do you often hear them saying, “You don’t listen,” and honestly ask yourself a question—you don’t really want their advice anyway, right? You just ask because it seems like the right thing to do. (Nod your head with me as you read this … yes :-) I guess you can say I’m a bit of a control freak myself, but I digress…)
Did you know that children often imitate what they see? So if you think that you being a control freak haven’t affected anyone but you, think again. Ever wondered why your little one always has a problem playing nicely in a group? How about why your little one decides to have tantrums? Ahhhh yes, control at its finest. If a child wants control I’m willing to bet my last dollar they will have a tantrum to show and prove it.
I love when parents come to me frustrated about their little bundles of joy having outrageous tantrums and not knowing what to do or what causes these little outburst. I love even more when I explain that the parent has to learn how trust and not be controlling. If this sounds like you, listen up.
Some steps you can take towards not being so controlling would be:
- Trust your children to do things by themselves (within reason).
- Be honest with your children about EVERYTHING.
- Take some time to relax and think about how others would be affected in each situation.
- Listen to others’ advice (I guess you can say reading this is listening to another’s advice so you are on your way already).
So after realizing you have the characteristics of a control freak, make a conscious effort to become better in this area. Start by controlling the only person you can control, which is yourself, and then you will be well on your way to a healthy balance of control. For a more in-depth version of how to eliminate these behaviors, click here to join my Parent Points and check out my FREE report about busting parenting myths!