After his Twitter feud with the president, Alec Baldwin was back on “Saturday Night Live” playing a Donald Trump digging his way out of catastrophes in the cold open that begins as an episode of CNN’s “Anderson Cooper 360.”
“In times like this we look to our leaders for guidance,” says Cooper, played by Alex Moffat. “But instead, we’ll hear from Donald Trump.”
The scene switches to the White House, where “Trump says “I hear you and I care,” referring to the Parkland, Florida, school shooting and reading from his crib notes. “We have to take a hard look at mental health — which I have so much of. I have one of the healthiest mentals. My mentals are so high,” says Baldwin’s Trump.
He floats the idea of taking take guns away from everyone ... “even whites,” as Beck Bennett’s Mike Pence sobs next to him. (He’s flanked on the other side by Cecily Strong’s Dianne Feinstein.) But then “cha-ching, it’s all good,” the president changes his mind because the National Rifle Association “gave me 30 million good reasons not to change a thing.”
“I can only run into so many schools and save everybody ... I’m actually a very fast runner ... The guy with the gun wouldn’t know what hit him; bing bing ding dong dang, he’ done” says “Trump.” But he then imagines running all the way to North Korea, confronting “Little Rocket Man,” and mopping up there.
He laments that he has to do “everything” because everyone is quitting on him — even Hope Hicks, who is like a daughter to him: “So smart, so hot.” Jared Kushner is “basically the hottest chick left in the place, but he’s probably going to jail soon.”
“I said I was going to run this country like a business; that business is a Waffle House at 2 a.m.,” says Baldwin’s Trump. “Crazies everywhere, staff walking out in the middle of their shift, managers taking money out of the cash register to pay off the Russian mob.”
Someone not resigning: Kate McKinnon’s Jeff Sessions. “I’m not going anywhere,” “Sessions” tells a nervous Trump. At the attorney general’s recent Justice Department meeting “your name popped up more than a weasel in a pumpkin patch,” McKinnon tells the “president.”
Check out the clip above.