In Letters, to Women Like Me, author Mirtha Michelle Castro Mármol, paints her love life out of a series of poems and short essays about love and self-reflection. February is naturally a time to meditate on love or the lack thereof in ones life and this book is the perfect ammo to delve into your feelings. After all, it is a book for you for me, for your friends that constantly text you, “omg should I say this to him!” If you are like Mirtha Michelle, you crave romance, you seek the genuine essence of your partner, and although you’ve been heartbroken, you’ve loved unconditionally, made love an action and learned to put it on your highest pedestal and your first priority when going about life as we know it. After fully immersing myself in Letters, to Women Like Me, I felt empowered and even more emotional about pursuing the truest parts of my soulmate. As the month of love comes to a quiet end, this Miami native and Los Angeles creative answers my most pressing questions. Here is what Mirtha Michelle has to say about love, self reflection and also shallow love for women who may be in a relationship, confused or just going about dating in a “microwavable” society.
M/What concepts can women in relationships draw from this book? Is loving someone with a demanding career different from loving a man that is not in a demanding career? What are the compromises?
MMCM/ In the ‘Letters, To Women Like Me’ dedication I wrote “To women like me, you deserve it all, don’t let anyone convince you differently”. It’s not necessarily about being worshipped, although that is nice, but more of finding someone who loves you the way you want to be loved, because humans all love differently and we want to be loved in different ways. We shouldn’t settle for people who don’t treat us the way we desire to be treated just for the sake of not being alone. When we love someone with a demanding career there are certain compromises we have to make in order to make the relationship work. Time is definitely one of them. In my case I’m busy with my work so there are times I’m not available. It’s no different with dating successful men. But I don’t believe in excuses. Although, you won’t be attached to the hip, when someone wants to make time, and spend quality time with you, he or she will make it happen. That’s part of the price of dating someone with a demanding career, but there are pros as well. I think you’re constantly challenged which in turn motivates you to keep growing in your own career as well.
Valentine’s Day is so infamous for low key shaming men / women for not giving gifts, should women demand gifts from their partners?
I don’t think women should demand but more or so express the things they like. One thing I’ve learned is that men are usually clueless. We have to guide them. That’s also part of a man getting to know a woman and vice-versa. I definitely drop hints, and if he’s the thoughtful type then he’ll catch the hints.
Self-reflection - you talk a lot about finding yourself after exiting a long term relationship, what are some recommendations you have to get over an ex?
Yes, the book deals a lot with me learning myself. Something I had to take the time to do when I became single again. What really helped me was understanding why I left that relationship and what made me unhappy. Once you learn what you want in a partner it’s easier to know why you wouldn’t digress to the past. Also, traveling and working on my craft really helped. It gave a sense of purpose and fueled my desires to accomplish life-long goals. If you stay dwelling on the broken relationship, it will be hard to move and do anything at all. You must shift the areas you place your energy in.
Is there such thing as shallow love? You say that we are living in a "microwavable" society ... are these concepts related?
Yes, I call it Liquid Love. It’s a fickle type of love. Like a business transaction. Marriages originated as a business contract between families but there was a sense of responsibility and loyalty that came with that contract. I think in today’s world many of us can choose who we marry and love but we have also become more aware of our options. Many people don’t want to deal with the obstacles and disappointments real love can bring, so they can be quick to replace instead of going the extra mile. The only way to avoid that type of microwavable liquid love is by forming genuine bonds with people. By being honest and vulnerable. Sometimes letting people see our true colors is the key to know how real their love is. They can judge you but if they choose to stay then they passed the test.
Your essays are so empowering! I like the one that talks about looking to a solution instead of another Resolution. It's so true! What made you write this?
Thank you! That particular essay was inspired by a new year and me listening to a relative of mine complain about certain circumstances in her life. I realized that we all have the power to choose our paths and to make certain choices that will determine the quality of our lives, but not everyone realizes they have the solution. I think many people go in circles, revisiting the same problems, all because they are not willing to seek the solutions. It was very frustrating for me to see someone I love not realize her own power. There are many women that are like her, so I felt I had to share that story with women as a reminder to them they hold the power. It all lies in our choices.
Follow Mirtha Michelle on Instagram for more glam and poetry: @MirthaMichelle.