Campaign Enters More Serious Phase as Candidates Bash Each Other's Wives

WASHINGTON DC (NewS Satire)--

Gone are the penis references. Here to stay are near-naked pictures of candidates' wives. And so begins a more serious phase of the Republican Presidential race.

This intellectual period started when a Cruz Super PAC tweeted a sexually suggestive picture of Melania Trump. It was simultaneously a commentary on the vapidness of post-Impressionist art and a reminder that Stepford-like beauty may be timeless but everyone looks better at bar time.

In response, Wharton School of Finance wunderkind Donald Trump quoted Nobel-prized winning economist Milton Friedman, "Be careful, Lyin' Ted, or I will spill the beans on your wife."

Harvard Law School educated Ted Cruz hit back by tweeting Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's immortal words, "Donald, you're a sniveling coward."

Not everyone is pleased with this state of affairs. "Voters deserve a serious consideration of the issues, without taunts and without name calling," said House Majority Leader Paul Ryan. "All spouses should absolutely be off limits. Except for Bill Clinton- he deserves everything we can throw at him. And Obama's baby mama. What's her name?"

Ryan continued, "Our tradition requires seriousness at all times, from campaigning through governing, Once we've established that level of decorum, we can pass whatever legislative crap we want."