I was talking with my friend Joy today about how I listen to people complain. Part of life is venting or complaining. But when I hear people complain, my automatic reaction is that I want to fix the problem. The trouble is that many people just want to complain and don’t want a solution. This is called “venting,” and it’s an understandable human behavior, however if you don’t tell me that you are venting, I don’t know. I will assume that you’re complaining because you want advice or guidance. I think we should change the way we complain. If you want to release stress and vent to a friend, you should literally say that. “I am complaining because I want you to validate my experience, and I don’t need advice.” Otherwise the intent of the complaint is unclear.
There are times when we want people to help us work through our problems. I often seek advice from others when I am at a loss for what to do in my life. But there are other times when I just need to release steam and that’s okay. Complaining happens for many reasons. But it is frustrating when you’re complaining and the person on the other end doesn’t understand the intention of your complaints.
Sometimes people are busy with their own lives and may get tired of you complaining. You know who doesn’t get tired of your venting and complaining? Your therapist. A good therapist is available to listen to your feelings, validate them or provide a solution if that’s what you’re seeking. An even better therapist will help guide you to figure out the solution on your own. I believe that therapy doesn’t need to be long term, necessarily. You can have a time-limited experience seeing a therapist and get well. For example, CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy) typically lasts from three-six months.
Even psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy doesn’t have to go on for years. The goal of therapy in my opinion needs to be to help the client get to the point where they have the tools to function well in life. You can even get free help with your problems if you look for those resources online. And then you’ll find a person who is willing to listen to you complain for free; that sounds wonderful to me.
I love complaining, whether it’s because I want some guidance with my problems or I just want to let out my feelings, complaining helps me to feel better. It’s a part of the human experience that we all participate in. Even if you are just letting your emotions out, it still feels cathartic. You are accomplishing something when you complain even if you aren’t asking for a solution to your problem. Sometimes there isn’t an immediate solution, but venting/complaining can help the process of finding the solution move along faster.
What about you? Do you complain for the sake of complaining or are you looking for a solution to your problems when you complain?
Complaining is a normal part of life, but it can become annoying.