Sandwiched in the third row seat, between 11-year-old Nathan and 5-year-old Lyla, on our way to Monster Jam and Disney on Ice, respectively, she catches me off guard with her 5-year-old curious love.
"You're like our family, but not our family, but still family," she says while looking up at me with her big blue eyes.
"That is why we say you are our chosen family," I try to explain.
Her big blue eyes focus in on me with a confused tender smirk as she tries to figure out what that exactly means in her 5-year-old brain.
Nathan, her big brother, interjects trying to explain how we all came into each other's lives in a way she can understand. "Justine can't have babies, so Mommy was going to carry their baby for them. But it didn't work, and we got Tipton instead, but they are still our family."
Bright blue eyes glazed over, she leans in closer to me as we have completely lost her. I reassure her that sometimes we aren't related to our family like she is to her brothers. She didn't get to choose Nathan or Tipton to be her family, but we all got to choose each other as family.
5-year-old brain satisfied for now.
We set forth to conceive our own children, with Michelle's help, or at least the help of her healthy body (and uterus). However, neither Chad and I, nor Ben and Michelle, could have ever imagined the destined family that would eventually be the result of our IVF journey.
They have been in our lives for three years, and yet it feels like we have known each other forever. We all began our journey with the hope of babies for Chad and I when Michelle answered my ad on a surrogacy website. We did two transfers, three embryos, never to get pregnant. And now, we continue our journey with us learning to accept a child-free life and the unexpected expansion of Ben and Michelle's family with their new son, Tipton.
It isn't exactly what we all had hoped for.
It isn't exactly what we all had expected.
Hell, it isn't what we paid thousands of dollars and put our bodies through synthetic hormonal hell for.
And, without a doubt, exactly as it is supposed be, as I've been able to consider it pure joy.
When I look into Michelle's eyes and I hear her voice, I am reminded of that powerful moment in the operating room during the first transfer. We looked into each other's eyes all gowned up with her on the table ready to become the home to our babies for the next 40 weeks. Tears of complete fear with unbridled joy filled both of our eyes, and in that 30 seconds of life, we held each other and hoped and loved with every cell of our bodies, hearts and souls.
Never could we have imagined what was ahead for us. Never could we have imagined the ups and the downs we've survived through together. Never could we have imagined we would have the story we have, or the one that has yet to be written.
And never could I have imagined I would find myself, my home and my destined chosen family all from a woman I met online.
In her, I have found my ever upward family.
~~~~
You can read more about our surrogacy journey in Chapter 1 - Conceiving Our Chosen Family in Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life available now here or Amazon in April!
Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Own a Childfree Life is the hopeful story of what one woman did to change her life for the better after the heartbreaking, devastating and life-long losses of infertility. Ever Upward begins with Justine's incredible story of surviving life through two back surgeries, a year in a body cast and two rounds of IVF with a gestational surrogate. Justine guides the reader through the strategies she used to overcome the loss of her dream of motherhood and chose to thrive thereafter to ownership and acceptance of her childfree life. Ever Upward is more than a story about infertility, it is a story of recovery. It is our story, the story of life.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.