Follow us down the dark rabbit hole of the internet for a few examples.
Crime No. 1: Peepza
Peepza is pizza topped with Peeps. It shouldn’t exist, and it definitely shouldn’t be as popular as it has become.
It was born from a joke made by Adam Kuban, the editor of Serious Eats’ now-dormant pizza blog called Slice. Slice published a tongue-in-cheek recipe for Peepza in 2010, but of course the internet gave it a life longer than it ever deserved to have.
Now every Easter, Peepza rears its ugly head and prompts an onslaught of social media reactions. It has become so mainstream, in fact, that even Martha Stewart let Peepza corrupt her pristine palate:
Crime No. 2: Terrible flavors
Some crimes against Peeps are actually committed by the company that makes them. The folks at Peeps have created some controversial flavors like Orange Sherbet Peeps dipped in fudge and Neapolitan Peeps filled with chocolate, which are essentially baby birds that squirt out brown goo when you squeeze them. But it gets worse. There are Party Cake Peeps, Cotton Candy Peeps and, perhaps worst of all, Pancakes & Syrup Peeps.
Crime No. 3: Shooting someone who’s wearing a vest made of Peeps
This one almost qualifies as an actual crime, because there’s a gun involved. Pro shooter Kirsten Joy Weiss, who has a YouTube channel full of trick shots and other gun stunts, made a protective vest out of Peeps in 2016 and then fired at it to see how much damage the treats could take.
Turns out, not much.
Crime No. 4: Burying your Peeps alive
Please don’t make this trifle. It’s just not OK.
Crime No. 5: Eating a food that’s indestructible
An editor at HuffPost left some Peeps on a desk for a year, and almost nothing happened. One week, the Peeps felt a little bit harder, but the next they’d feel a little softer.
And when it comes to tests about Peeps, this was on the unscientific end of the spectrum.
As HuffPost noted in 2013, a couple of science professors from Emory University documented dunking some unlucky marshmallow chicks in liquid nitrogen, heating them up and even subjecting them to a vacuum.
The worst crimes against Peeps are probably yet to be committed. We’ll find new, more upsetting ways to add them to dioramas, art projects and recipes; we’ll continue to impale them with sticks and allow them to ruin Oreos and bottles of wine.
But you can find comfort in the fact that you’re not alone if you want the madness to end: