Sitting in my regular coffee shop, next to two new friends, I'm reminded of old faces, of seasons past, that begin to surface in the forefront of my memory. If you'd asked me seven months ago to recall those faces, a barrage of questions would have flooded my train of thought: "Could I have been a better friend?", "What if I had agreed with her dating that girl?", "What if I had called more?", or "Maybe I wasn't good enough to be her friend?"
It's still an ongoing process to rid myself of guilt, over lost and abandoned friendships. However, when I acknowledged that I can't look to myself for guidance, or strength, the guilt began to diminish and the sorrow subsides. The Holy Spirit takes over when I allow the pain of what was lost, to be set before the feet of Our Savior.
July of 2015, I discovered a Sisterhood of women. A sisterhood like I'd never experienced before. These women loved each other - like, really loved each other. They held each other up, they cried together, spoke life and truth to one another, laughed together... something was different about them. Upon further investigation and observation, I discovered the trick to their bonded friendships: Jesus. These women were so sold out for Jesus that they couldn't help but pour out love onto one another. How had I missed this?!
Do you struggle with finding, and keeping, lasting friendships with other women? Do you ever wonder why your friends always seem to distant or why you aren't as close to them as you'd like to be? I once asked myself some of these same questions. It wasn't until I accepted that the responsibility was mine. I was responsible for loving my friends like Jesus. I could control my friendships by leaning into Jesus and harnessing His strength.
So, if you're ready to put in the work, to gain stronger, purposefully, Christ-centered friendships with your sisters then I challenge you to take this five tips and put them into practice this week!
1. THE MISTER BEFORE THE SISTER
Your sisterhood of fellow Christian women will never be as strong as you want if you are not rooted in Christ. It's a very simple truth and yet it's so difficult to learn, especially when you're lonely! Right? I know, I've been there. For so long I sought after relationships and neglected the ONE relationship that mattered the most. It seemed easier at the time. People are earthly, we can see them, call them, text them, hug them... However, James 4:8 tell us to, "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you." Jesus knows what it's like to be lonely and have friends abandon you - cue Judas. People will always fail us but Jesus Christ never will.
2. SHOW UP
Seems simple enough but you may be surprised to know this is the area a majority of us struggle. We live in the millennial age of instant gratification and non-committal relationships to cell phones, events and human beings, alike - cue Tinder. Here's where I advise you to 'do as your momma taught you' and extend the same kindness to others, that you wish to receive. And you may be thinking, "yea, but no one ever shows up for me. No thanks." And again, I tell you that I understand because I've been there, too. It's hard showing up (literally) for others on the reg only to receive little to nothing in return. But in chapter 6 of Luke, we're told: And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them (6:31). So I want to encourage you to be Christ to your sisters. Show them what sisterhood LOOKS like.
3. THE GIVER
In the book of Romans, the Apostle Paul writes that we are to "Love one another with {sisterly} affection. Out do one another in showing honor" (12:10). As we show our honor to God through our words and actions, so should we honor our sisters in the same manner. Think about ways that you can give back to a sister who may be lonely, tired, new, experiencing heartache, or the unsung hero of everyday menial tasks around the office.
4. SPEAK IN LOVE
You've probably heard it as many (countless) times as I have: "Oh my goodness, can you believe what she ___?!". When did it become acceptable to speak poorly about each other? To make fun of her outfit, makeup, hips, thighs... anything. Ephesians 4:29-30 tell us, "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you." If you've already made the choice to subscribe to #1 on this list then this should be easy for you to adapt to your life, as well. What we put into our minds and bodies shows outwardly. So, if you are putting Christ first in your life, then Christ will show up first in your words.
5. TELL THE TRUTH
Some of the greatest, personal, trials that I've experienced within relationships with other women directly related to the words spoken to each other. The tongue is our strongest weapon and the easiest way for the enemy to turn us against each other. Instead, as believers, we are to called to put on compassionate hearts. Colossians 3:12-14 tell us: "Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgive you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony." So, instead of jumping to conclusions, spreading rumors, talking behind her back or snapping back with a vicious text rant - let us grow in patience with one another by showing love and compassion in our exchanges.
Sisters, it's my prayer that you feel encouraged to press on toward fullness in Christ and seek out Godly relationships. Godly relationships where you will find refinement, love, grace and support.