KISSING FROGS- DATE LIKE A DUDE
Date like a dude??? What? That’s not how women are trained and especially in my neck of the woods. In the South, we’re schooled to seek, capture and measure for a tux. Sure, this sort of “dating as hunting” behavior is not as intense in the millennials, but still it lingers as a part of the culture. After talking with a discerning, informed girlfriend from Boston recently, I get that it can happen anywhere. Here’s what I know about dating, even amongst the conscious. Overall, men and women view dating differently. Women go on a date and the next day many of her friends want to know if he could be “the One.” His friends, on the other hand, want to know if she was hot, funny, or looked like her Bumble pictures. We women will never be wired like men, but we need to understand the male mind a little more to expand our options and ultimately meet the guy who’s really right for us. I think keeping your options open in the beginning is so much more effective than locking in. And that’s what men naturally and typically do. So ladies, don’t take it so seriously in the beginning. Keep your life and don’t get overly focused on him. Instead, fulfill yourself and your desires by how you approach each date. That is, yes, be out there, go on dates. But also joyfully do things you like to do or have wanted to try in environments where dating can (and does) naturally occur: do meetups or some group meditation, join a hiking or biking group, go to seminars, start frequenting cool coffee shops, go to a yoga class or a dancing class, attend some art shows, go out on a girls night. Circulate and get moving. Wash, rinse, repeat. Live in the contrast and explore. As you get to know a man, you’ll start to see what his personality is made of. How he reacts to simple things like a change of plans or not getting what he wants can tell you how compatible you are. A brilliant woman I know (Tracy Boyer-Matthews.com) said to me many times that people reveal aspects of themselves quickly, but we just choose to ignore them in the “like or love” glow. If you are a tad more detached, your vision and senses will very likely work better. This all applies once you are in a relationship, too. A big part of how my voice has developed in dating comes from the extreme amount of pressure I’ve always gotten to “pick someone.” These days, I’m very strong and clear headed about what I want and I’m able to withstand some of the cultural pressure women regularly seem to get directed at them. “What was wrong with him?” “You’re too picky” or (my favorite quote from who I consider to be the best man on earth): “Judy, I’m just scared you ain’t never gonna’ have anybody, ‘cause yore’ so damn ornery! You’re gonna’ have to put up with some ‘stuff’ from somebody, sometime.” Yes, I agree, we’re all gonna’ have to put up with some ‘stuff’ sometime - but we have a choice as to whether it’s coming from the right man at the right time and vice versa. When you marry or choose a partner, pick well and go to the mat for it with your entire heart. But what I’m talking about here isn’t marriage, Intrepid One. It’s dating. It’s the process you go through to select Mr. Wonderful. In closing,, above all else, pray for the lessons, learning and gifts to come swiftly from each dating experience . . . and do what you can to come to clarity about his true frog quotient. Approach each date as an opportunity to make a new friend, expand your heart and learn something new. You never know who might show up.