I want to write Adam Goldberg a letter and tell him that I love his show, (ABC’s “The Goldberg’s”) but he’s rendered his mother Beverly as a cartoon.
I’ll give you a Dad who walks in the house and drops his pants. I’ll give you a big brother that thinks he’s great at everything and rotates his favorite sports team shirt every three days (or every episode). I’ll give you a grandpa that drinks martinis at 8:00 a.m.
The characters all seem to have their affectations (except for Erica, who is about as basic a smart white girl as an 80’s teen can get though she is also the only character who is fictionalized).
I’ll give you the loud 80’s clothes and the big sprayed hair. I’ll give you the loud voice---I have one myself. I squirm over her extreme intrusiveness and basically, I am annoyed by the constant schmooping, but I love Bev. I really do, and I think that’s why I’m thinking about this---I want to get to know her better.
When I was pregnant with my first child, my brother-in-law pulled my name for the Christmas gift exchange. He bought me a giant teddy bear. I remember thinking, “What about me?” and feeling bad about it, and that moment has never really left me. I was 26 and super excited and of course, I didn’t mind talking non-stop about the pregnancy and baby-related topics, but…I felt like I had already been eradicated.
Maybe it’s just me, but I have never gotten used to, or particularly liked it, when strangers like restaurant servers or assistants in doctors’ offices call me, “Mom” rather than use my name. I mean, it’s pretty simple—I’m not your Mom. And I’m sure the psychological reason why I cannot stand it is because I feel like I’ve been swallowed up. Where did Kathleen go?
And I’m wondering where Beverly is. The show is wonderfully well written, and I both tear up and want to stand up and applaud at the end of every episode (my barometer of “goodness”). It’s one of the only shows that makes me laugh aloud. But I worry about Bev. Even the episodes that feature her as the central character only show her being upset about her kids pulling away or Murray not showing her enough attention. I would love to know anything else about Bev other than that she self identifies as a Mom and wife. She must still have to thoughts and opinions outside of those roles. She mourns the fact that her kids are getting older, needing and wanting her around less, so she throws herself into their lives, substituting at their school, almost enrolling in her daughter’s college, subbing as the football couch, befriending her children’s friends. So many plot line involve the kids breaking her heart, her refusing to allow them to ignore her, their realizing that they hurt her and asking for her forgiveness. I just wish she wasn’t so reduced.
In doing a bit of poking around to write this piece, I was surprised/not surprised to see how many sites are dedicated to Bev---you can make her recipes, read Beverly Goldberg quotes, buy Bev Goldberg influenced items on Etsy, share hundreds and hundreds of memes. I took a quiz to see how much I am like Bev (“you love your kids but you’re not a Beverly-level yenta.”)
Beverly is fierce, a she lion. Just like she won’t let her family ignore her, she won’t let any member of her family be ignored…or ridiculed…or be made to feel less than…or go without food for more than two hours. She expects the world to treat her children as the gifts from God that she sees them as. And this may be why she’s struck such a chord with so many Americans. We all want to be mothered that fiercely, loved with that much ferocity.
Much more sadly, I discovered in so many articles and interviews Adam Goldberg says that he has toned down the character of his mother that she was even worse — more smothering, more intrusive – than how Bev is portrayed on the show. The thing is, the real Beverly Goldberg could not be this one-dimensional. I’d love to see him allow Bev a few moments of grace and humanness outside of her mother/wife roles.
Maybe Bev Goldberg is a great example of how to mother but a poor model for how to be a powerful woman. Yes, this is a sitcom, but Murray has had some plot lines where we got to see his difficult relationships with his brother, his father, his career, and even a pre-Bev fiancé.
My teen years were in the late 70’s and early 80’s, so I wasn’t a mother when she was, but I think about even my own Mom, a stay-at-home woman who absolutely identified as a wife and mother and was fully proud of her life choice. She still had opinions on politics, watched and discussed movies, made my friends laugh so hard that when they came to pick me up and started chatting with her they wouldn’t want to leave.
I would love Bev to talk about an article or book she read, hang out with her own friends, flirt with Coach Meller. Anything that would let me see her as a real woman. The Goldberg cast sometimes comes to Philly to shoot scenes, and I’ve had the crazy thought of getting Flyers’ tickets, just for the chance that I might get to talk to Bev, (should you explain this more? Does the cast of the Goldberg’s enjoy going to hockey games? Is that just a Hollywood thing to do?) maybe buy her a beer. And then I have to remember that she’s actually Wendi McLendon-Covey, who I’m sure would be fun to have a drink with, though it wouldn’t be the same. Maybe it’s Adam I need to talk to.
