Do You Have a Life Muse?

Life can be confusing, and sometimes overwhelming. Whether you're considering moving to a new job, a marriage proposal or a new hair style, having someone you trust and respect to turn to for a perspective check--and a little friendly advice--makes it all a lot easier.

I recently wrote about that person in my life--my 'life muse'--and Gerit Quealy, journalist and fellow Huffington Post blogger, liked it so much, she wrote a blog about it, which originally appeared in www.StyleGoesStrong.com, where Gerit is Style Editor.

The message is simple: You probably don't need to look very far to find your life muse.

Here are some of the highlights of Gerit's article:

The Style Muse in Your Own Backyard: Great style inspiration may be closer than you think
By Gerit Quealy

We're inundated with pictures of celebrities and how to "steal this style" in magazines, on TV and online. Noticing how our contemporaries dress and handle fashion and beauty issues, especially as we age, such as Inès de la Fressange, gives us an idea of what's possible in a larger sense. And a reference point.

But I was reminded of how close-at-hand a style muse can be when I read Barbara Hannah Grufferman's blog on her cousin. Grufferman, the author of The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts' Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More talks a lot in her book about pulling your look together and finding fashion that works for you, consistently, over 50.

But she didn't mention her early style influences. It was in her blog:

Do You Have a Life Muse?

All the tweets, news reports and talk about Fashion Week here in New York City got me thinking about style, and who has really made an impact on my own personal style (if you can call it that!). You know, someone who is always pulled together, who just knows how to add the right scarf to make an outfit, who inspires, who just always looks great? In other words, a style muse.

Then it dawned on me: I have my very own muse! And her name is Cousin Barbara.

It was 1968, and she came to visit us from Germany. I was 12 and she was 19 -- a gap as wide as the Atlantic Ocean that separated our daily lives. I mean, really, she had no interest in hanging around with a 12-year-old! But, that was a long time ago (or as Cousin B would say: that was in former times). And now? Best friends, and closer than sisters.

We're connected by our maternal grandmothers, who were twins. My grandmother, being a bit more rebellious, left Germany at the age of 18, moved to Brooklyn and never looked back. Her grandmother stayed, and raised her family in a little town in southern Germany. Over the years, we've marveled over our shared ancestry, but very different upbringings -- me, in great big NYC, and her, in a very small village an hour away from Stuttgart. And yet, we are truly like two peas in the proverbial pod.

Cousin B introduced me to Kandinsky, all kinds of modern art (she was an art teacher for many years) and to the only perfume I've worn since 1985, Jill Sander Woman III. My love of modernism can be traced back to our early museum trips, when she would patiently explain every painting that we viewed, in perfect English, with her great, big Lina Wertmuller sunglasses positioned strategically on her head.

Since she visits us several times each year, Cousin B knows New York City better than any New Yorker, has gone to every hot restaurant that's opened while she's been here on a visit, and can negotiate price with the shop owners in Chinatown, and still leave them smiling. I learned how to navigate the subway system from her.

Since I don't have much innate style, I rarely make big, important, life decisions without discussing them with her first by email, phone or Skype, and if I can hold out buying or doing something until she's here on a visit, all the better. Together, we figured out that my new sofa should be white leather, and that the "thing" I knitted could be hung on the wall as piece of art.

And, thankfully, she's stopped me from making some pretty senseless fashion purchases over the years, saving me lots of money and from seeing my husband and daughters roll their eyes even more often than they normally do.

Cousin B is definitely my style muse. No, I take that back. She's my life muse. But, I have one question: Now that my daughters are getting older and more interested in their own "looks," do I have to share her?

Who's your life muse? I'd love to hear it!

Best of Everything,

Barbara

The Tale of Two Barbaras

Now her cousin, Barbara Haspel, isn't exactly in Grufferman's backyard. In fact, she hails from Germany, so when the two teens met, not only did the seven-year age difference give Barbara the elder the appearance of that slightly older, freewheeling panache (it was the '60s after all), there was the added allure of the exotic European.

Barbara Haspel admits she was very into fashion, but "I was not rich," so she had to be inventive, knitting scarves, sewing halter tops, crocheting vests with pearls -- all perfectly in sync with the time -- and Grufferman was entranced.

Cut to a few year later, by that time in their 20s, when they were really able to connect and Grufferman was able to take advantage of this valuable resource she had. Over the years, the relationship, forged on style, has cemented into a friendship of depth and layers. As Grufferman notes in her blog,

"Since I don't have much innate style, I rarely make big, important, life decisions without discussing them with her first by email, phone, or Skype, and if I can hold out buying or doing something until she's here on a visit, all the better. "

Haspel sticks to "very simple things" now that she's 61 -- wardrobe basics that can be easily transformed by savvy accessories: "color it up with a scarf or bangles, so the whole thing looks different each time," she says. Not dissimilar from Grufferman's advice in her book.

"She's already knitted two scarves on this visit!" Grufferman exclaims, offering, "I was a late bloomer to knitting," but her cousin inspired to her to see it as art as well as fashion, and three years on, Grufferman remains an enthusiastic knitter.

They also share an enthusiasm for jeans. Haspel admits, "although now I wear them with a jacket and nice boots," but she plans to keep on wearing them till she dies!

"She looks great in skirts too," Grufferman says. "She has great legs so she doesn't have to wear the hem below the knee," noting that her cousin has one rule, "only wear things that make you look fabulous."

Haspel says, "I read where the legs are the last place women show age," and adds "show your good parts!" She attributes her "good parts" to lots of sports, like tennis, when younger. "Now it's golf," she laughs.

She also admits to a penchant for expensive shoes:

I prefer to have a cheap dress and great shoes!"

The admiration society flows both ways as well. Haspel is equally inspired by Grufferman. "She has so much energy; when she wants something, she gives it all her focus, like writing the book!"

The chapter on makeup was especially helpful. Grufferman took Haspel to Laura Geller and taught her to do her face in 10 minutes. "It looks beautiful very fast," she enthuses. "Who wants to spend half an hour in front of the mirror?"

Especially when there's shopping to be done. Technology has made style consultations much easier, but Haspel's frequents visits from Germany allow for tandem trolling for deals and window shopping for style ideas and inspiration.

Things Italian especially attract their eye. "Their color combinations -- you'd never think to try them, but they work!" notes Haspel. Of course you have to have an eye to appreciate that and her years as an art teacher have given her that, although perhaps it's innate.

They're also able to indulge in another shared passion besides fashion: food! Italian food, to be exact -- a favorite haunt is NYC's Alloro where they can get down to the plate a la "Eat Pray Love."

Please follow Gerit Quealy and me on Twitter, and join us on Facebook. Tell us about your life muse!