I had been working with Pamela for a couple of months, attempting to help her see and value her true self, her essence. I could easily see her beautiful essence - her gentleness, sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, kindness, generosity, and deep compassion for people, animals, and nature. In addition, I knew that Pamela had a healing touch, which served her well in her work as a pediatric nurse. Yet Pamela continued to treat herself as if she was her ego wounded self. She ate badly, drank too much, and never got enough sleep. She completely neglected her own feelings, preferring instead to turn to her various addictions. Terrified of rejection, she rarely reached out to friends and often felt isolated. No matter how much her husband, Joseph, expressed his love for her, she never believe him.
"Pamela, do you believe that you are your ego wounded self?"
"Well, yeah, I guess I do."
"So how do you see yourself? Who do you think you are?"
"I think I'm an uninteresting and empty person. I'm boring. I'm often withdrawn, irritated, angry and judgmental. I'm a good worker, a good nurse, but that's about it. I can be there for others, but if they really get to know me, they will find out how empty and boring I am, and that I'm not really such a nice person. I can be there for the children because they don't care about how boring I am, and I never get angry at the children."
"Pamela, why do you think that Joseph loves you?"
"I don't know. I know what he says, but I think he is just saying those things to make me feel good."
I asked Pamela to open to her higher self and describe herself through the eyes of her spiritual guidance. She was very reluctant to do this. "I was taught that it's wrong to brag," she said. I asked her to think of her true self as one of the children on her ward. "Think of you as a little girl on your pediatric ward. If you were describing you as a little girl to another nurse, what would you say about her?"
The words came slowly. "Sensitive...caring...funny...smart...creative. And I can be very compassionate. Whew, that was hard!"
"So," I said, "If this child were on your ward, would you ignore her feelings and needs?"
"No, of course not. I would never do that."
"But that's what you are doing with yourself, with your own beautiful essence."
"Oh!......Yes, I see that! I've been treating myself as if I am my wounded self instead of my essence. It's my wounded self who is boring and empty, and sometimes not very nice, but I'm beginning to see that that's not who I really am!"
We are not our wounded self. No matter how empty, boring, judgmental, angry, depressed, anxious, irritated, insensitive, uncaring, shut down, withdrawn, resistant or abusive we are at times, we are not our wounded self. We are our essence, our true core self, the soul that is in our body to evolve in love and truth.
It is your job as a loving adult to embrace and heal your ego wounded self, rather than allow your wounded self to define who you are. As long as you allow your wounded self to define who you are, you will feel inadequate and unlovable. You will pull on others for the love and attention that you are not giving to yourself. You will make others responsible for defining your worth.
When you really get that you are not your wounded self, you will begin to know the beauty of your soul, the aspect of you that is created in the image of the Divine - the image of Love. Then you will naturally begin to treat yourself as you would treat any Divine child. As you treat yourself lovingly, you will stop taking others' behavior personally. Your fears of rejection will drop away. You will know that if someone rejects you, it does not reflect on your essential worth.
You are not your wounded self. Open to your inner wisdom and see yourself through the eyes of love. See the truth of who you really are.
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