Billionaire real estate mogul and GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump has never been known for his way with words. In campaign speeches, he often describes things as "bad,""so bad," or, if he's feeling especially adventurous, "very bad." And he promises to fix bad with good by "winning," "totally succeeding" and by being "great" again.
For Trump, the lack of oratorical creativity hasn't just led him to speak with a fourth-grade vocabulary. It has tainted his speech like a dog.
I know what you're thinking. Like a dog? That simile makes no sense in that context. Dogs don't really taint things. Wouldn't "like toxic waste" make more sense? Or "like a turd floating in a pool?" Pretty much anything is better than saying "like a dog."
"Like a dog" is a stupid thing to say. But it's also one of Donald Trump's favorite insulting comparisons, and like much of his shit-talking game, it's stupid.
While people typically use "like a dog" with phrases like "shot down," "treated" (poorly), "worked" or maybe even "walked," Trump uses the expression to describe behavior that simply doesn't apply to dogs. It's unclear if he's just lazy, or if he's truly unfamiliar with canine behavior.
Who fires their dog?
Of course, dogs rarely secure gainful employment, which means they almost never get fired. Unless you're Donald Trump, apparently.
Dogs don't sweat.
At a rally in New Hampshire this week, Trump gleefully recalled watching Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) "sweat like a dog" at a recent debate after repeating a canned line criticizing President Barack Obama.
Dogs pant. Dogs don't sweat (except, apparently, through their paw pads). Neither do robots.
Dogs are not known for choking.
Trump dropped this comparison last year when he suggested that former Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney had "choked like a dog" in 2012, and should therefore not run again.
When you think about it, it's pretty amazing that dogs can eat so fast without choking more frequently.
Dogs beg, but not for money.
Trump's a bit closer with this one, but still off.
Dogs don't get thrown off television.
Here's Donald Trump insulting entrepreneur Mark Cuban about his reality show, "The Benefactor," in 2007:
“Mark Cuban was extremely embarrassed when he copied ‘The Apprentice’ and failed,” Trump raged. “They threw him off television like a dog.
“I wrote him a note and I said, ‘Mark, you have absolutely no television persona. I wish you would have spoken to me previously or before you did this. I could have told you it was gonna fail.’ And he failed."
He used the comparison again in 2008, saying, "If you don't get ratings, you're thrown off air like a dog."
Dogs just don't get thrown off TV. Unless they're Lassie. Sorry, Lassie, you had a good run.
Dogs don't get dropped.
Dogs don't get dumped.
Dogs don't get involved in committed relationships that would otherwise allow them to "cheat" on one another.
"Lady and the Tramp" was a lie.
Note to our readers: Donald Trump is a serial liar, rampant xenophobe, racist,misogynist, birther and bully who has repeatedly pledged to ban all Muslims -- 1.6 billion members of an entire religion -- from entering the U.S.
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