There are so many items in the news these days about the safety and well-being of transgender people, that as a parent it may feel overwhelming trying to figure out how to keep your transgender or gender non-conforming child safe and supported.
It’s a tough balance these days between wanting to make sure you child feels love and support while simultaneously wanting to keep them safe from potential harm.
From creating an embracing home environment to making sure that your transgender child is safe at school there are a lot of tasks for any parent trying to do their best.
As a parent of a transgender or GNC/GNB child, it is important that you have information at your fingertips to provide the best environment for your child as they go through their own personal identity formation and growth. Staying up to date on the latest models of support and development from trusted sources is one component of developing that environment. Another is to apply that information with kindness and curiosity in ways that feel authentic to you and your family. The best place to apply these practices is at home, which is a place where you can have some influence on the well-being and safety of your child.
One of the first concepts to focus on is to make sure that your home is a safe place for your kid to be open about their gender. The words you use and the approach your family takes will send messages, both overt and covert, about how embracing you are of your child’s journey.
There are lots of open messages you can send to your child by creating a home environment where they can feel safe to express their gender identity in a non-judgmental space.
Be curious about their journey of gender development and explore with open ended non-judgmental questions to better understand their process. Instead of asking why, ask how. How does your gender identity influence your day? How do you connect to other kids? Also make sure that you don’t fall into the trap of witness chair interrogation, with one rapid fire question after another. Leave room for answers to grow into conversations and limit the amount of ground you cover at any one time.
Focus on the messages of support and interest that you offer to your child as well as assisting them in learning how they would approach people that had differing perspectives on gender expression. It’s vital to be aware of the messages about gender that are expressed throughout the family dynamics as well as helping a transgender kid to interpret the messages that exist in their community and how to best account for those potential differences.
Although you may want to be there for every moment of your child’s day to keep them safe, it is a passage of personal growth when trans kids develop a network of friends and allies. This network can assist them in handling the dynamics, both positive and negative, of living as an openly transgender or gender non-conforming person. These types of relationships will help your child to build a powerful self-identity as well as give them the strength to pursue their passions and overcome stigma and shame.
Strong family and friend relationships will help your kid to build an understanding of gender diversity and how it plays a role in their day-to-day life. These same allies will also be there when your kid faces some of the harsh realities of living in their true identity in a world that may not always be supportive. A powerful growth process for both kids and parents is learning how to assess for safety in various situations so that there is a plan in place if threats appear. Kids should be aware of who is a safe adult to turn to in school settings and additionally have a plan on how to extricate themselves from situations that may be dangerous. Encourage your kids to know what their boundaries are when being questioned about their gender and that a simple “I’m not comfortable answering that question” is an appropriate response when they feel their boundaries are being pushed.
The journey and personal development of transgender kids can be a learning experience for everybody in the family and when approached with honesty, curiosity and love is an amazing opportunity for growth and evolution