A family epidemic is sweeping our nation: failure to launch syndrome. This development -- or lack thereof -- is characterized by the inability of young adults to achieve independence. I've spent 17 years guiding families through stressful, challenging and troubled waters, and it's clear to me why some families are headed for disaster.
It begins when parents miss the warning signs in their child's behaviors. Those indicators are like small icebergs: If they go unheeded for too long, it's only a matter of time before the captain goes down with the ship.
Too many kids today are on, as we call it, "developmental vacation," and it's difficult for parents to accept their own part in this problem. Refusing to see the situation for what it truly is causes so much heartache and anxiety, and yet it keeps happening.
Failure to launch can be set in motion at an early age. Sometimes, it's as simple as a parent's choice of words. For instance, a parent will use one set of phrases for other people's children, but use a more rational set for their own.
Somebody else's son might be manipulative, while her boy is crafty. The neighbor's daughter is rude, but his is just misunderstood. My daughter isn't lazy; she's just apprehensive. My son isn't entitled; he's unique.
Parents weaken children by excusing their mishaps and misbehaviors. If we believe our behaviors dictate our circumstances, we must also accept that we control our circumstances. When parents intervene and minimize a child's actions through words or actions, they inevitably take away the child's power to act.
Here are three tips I advise parents to employ with their kids from a young age:
1. Parent the child you have, not the one you wish you had. It's easy to live in a fictional world and see your children as doing better than they really are. When friends, neighbors, or co-workers ask how your child is doing, you might paint a perfect picture, even if your home life isn't so. It's a simple defense mechanism that helps nobody, especially your child.
Parenting the child who exists in your mind rather than the real one can be disastrous. You wouldn't coach a lazy, unskilled player as if he were Michael Jordan or Tom Brady. If your son acts like a 12-year-old, then accept that's what he is developmentally. The next goal is to figure out how to help him reach the next level.
2. Develop a plan together, and hold your child accountable. Children need developmental milestones. For adolescent to teenaged children, that means giving them age-appropriate responsibilities.
Getting this process going isn't difficult. Help your child map out his objectives and the time frame needed to accomplish them. Once you've reached a consensus, write it down, and ask him to sign it.
Firm but fair consequences should be laid out in your agreement. The idea is for your child to mature into a person who faces and accepts consequences. Unexpected events, however, can occur. Should they happen, use step three.
3. Let your child experience the same character-building opportunities you had. Stick to the agreement. It may seem unfair, but such is life. Negotiating deals when things get tough doesn't build character. To quote a favorite children's book, "If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk." You can't prepare life for your child, but you can prepare your child for life.
Failure to launch will always be a problem. As parents, you can decide how long it lasts. If you find yourself covering up or downplaying your child's destructive behavior, you're refusing to accept the truth.
You can steer your children in the right direction by changing your own course. By acting now, you can help them grow into happy, capable adults. Avoid deploying the life raft at the first signs of trouble. Raise your child well, and he'll soon be swimming for himself.
Brook Price is president and co-founder of Forte Strong, a failure-to-launch program that gives young men the skills and character traits they need to tackle the challenges of life.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.