Every week, we round up the most hilarious tweets from moms and dads. As 2017 draws to a close, it’s time to laugh at the best parenting tweets from the whole year (because, let’s be honest, we could use some extra laughter this year).
Scroll down to read the best of 2017 and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me expecting my 1st baby: I'll love him and guide him and always be there
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 9, 2017
Me now: JUST FIGURE IT OUT I MEAN C'MON GUYS JEEZ I JUST SAT DOWN
Well, you're up early.
— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) March 27, 2017
-Me, greeting my children every morning since they were born
Parenting is 99% getting roasted by your kids.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) September 1, 2017
My 2-year-old called the vehicle for sick people a "wee woo truck" and now I don't even remember what the right name is anymore.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 17, 2017
Receptionist at pediatrician’s office: Child’s birth date and year?
— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) December 1, 2017
Me, mother of 3: Wow ok I didn’t know there was going to be maths *nervous laughter* let’s see he’s four, it was late April or May, rainy I think, he’s a classic Gemini if that helps, this isn’t in his file?
Never was there a woman so sought after as a mother talking on the phone OHMYGOD I'LL ANSWER YOUR 37 QUESTIONS WHEN I'M OFF GET AWAY FROM ME
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) January 5, 2017
No One Listens Until I Yell: the name of my parenting memoir.
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) August 24, 2017
I love my kids more than life itself, and also please for the love of God say it's their bedtime.
— Walking Outside With Scrooge (@WalkingOutside) November 27, 2017
[montage of my toddler violently entering my bedroom every morning]
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 31, 2017
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 5, 2017
When your son pours himself a cup of milk from the gallon jug, and your life flashes before your eyes.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 3, 2017
Naptime is better described as the eye of the hurricane.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) September 26, 2017
Mondays are hard. Mondays with kids are some type of human survival experiment.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2017
2yo is passed out, clutching a fist full of fries. She's 100% mine.
— Lilly (@misslillytoyou) October 4, 2017
Just dry shampoo'd and Febreze'd my kid on his way out the door so no I'm not really interested in your family's morning chore chart, Laura.
— Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) September 26, 2017
Me: How do you want your steak cooked?
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) September 18, 2017
Kids: Cook it so it tastes like chicken nuggets.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was to convince parents that a Hamper Hoop would get their kids to put dirty clothes in the laundry
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) September 13, 2017
When my kids make me food out of Play-Doh I always eat it and that's what makes me a better father than you.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) October 9, 2017
Kids are in bed early, it's Friday night.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) September 23, 2017
*Starts cutting the chicken of the person next to me at a dinner party out of habit*
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 22, 2017
Welcome to parenting. None of the pencils in your house have erasers on them now.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 2, 2017
[Married Pillow Talk]
— Sara Says Stop here Santa 🎄 (@PetrickSara) August 14, 2017
Husband: Tell me what you want..
Me: I want you to take our kid to soccer practice tomorrow.
Parenting tiny humans summed up in one photo. pic.twitter.com/hYEDDiylcW
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) April 12, 2017
4-year-old: "Mommy, I accidentally flushed the potty over and over and the pee-pee water flowed everywhere, so I ran away."
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 6, 2017
Happy Monday!
The fun part about taking three kids out to eat is guessing whether you're going to end up eating 4 meals or zero.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 17, 2017
Kids don't have a volume knob, they have a volume roulette wheel.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 3, 2017
The 4 yr old is wandering the house in a life jacket, crying b/c it's clipped. He also cried when I unclipped it.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 18, 2017
We don't even own a boat.
Pro tip:
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) September 14, 2017
Ordering an "artisan" pizza makes you feel young & trendy again while watching Boss Baby with your kids for the 800th time.
A parenting manual but it's just a long list of places to hide the tape.
— 🔔MamaJingles🔔 (@MamaFizzles) September 13, 2017
Me: "Thinking about going to bed early tonight.."
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 3, 2017
My kid: pic.twitter.com/Q30GQuBz6Y
Me- Sits on toilet
— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) October 16, 2017
Children - QUICK EVERYONE!! Mom called a family meeting in the bathroom!! Bring in toys, blankets and your best stories
My kids throw a lot of shade for tiny people completely dependent on me for survival.
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) May 24, 2017
I've never won anything on a game show, but a three year old at my kid's daycare just tried to give me a set of car keys.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) October 23, 2017
My kid lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have anything less than a $20 bill.
— Lady Lawya 🎄 (@Parkerlawyer) October 20, 2017
This is not the motherhood I envisioned.
The worst part of my husband getting up with the kids is trying to decide if I should join him, or escape out the window & start a new life.
— Lauren Mulled Cider (@DraggingFeeties) March 2, 2017
I’m not saying kids ruin your life, I’m just saying mine told her teacher all about my chin hair.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) October 12, 2017
Sometimes I screw up my own kid's name but I can name at least 5 dogs from Paw Patrol.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) August 9, 2017
Doing homework with your kids really shows you what you're made of. Currently I'm made of tears, rage and wine.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 20, 2017
The Game of Thrones theme song is playing in Barnes and Noble so I can feel like a badass reading Peppa Pig to my 3yo on a kiddie bench.
— Dad's Take (@DadsTake) April 11, 2017
I've never been serenaded, but I have been followed through the house by someone reading me "another funny thing" from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 25, 2017
Y'all don't even know the level of patience required for me to allow my 3y.o. to get the small cart at the grocery store.
— MumMumMommyChristmas 🎄 (@tinyandtired) October 18, 2017
People are like "it takes a village to raise a child" and I'm like "can u give me the address for that village?" cause I could use the help
— Brandon Andrina (@proathomedad) September 3, 2017
Nothing in my wedding vows prepared me for how much of our lives we would spend talking about the size and shape of our kids' poop.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 3, 2017
Some kid at the pool: wanna see me do something cool?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 13, 2017
Me: I don't even want to see my own kid do something cool
If my kids could just do what I say & stop complaining about every single thing, I could be the parent I always wanted to be.
— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) July 11, 2017
My kids won't go to sleep & they're driving me nuts. Also trying my first facemask so I'm about to scare the living daylights out of them.
— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) February 20, 2017
Light bulb moments. pic.twitter.com/mcijBHngW6
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) June 28, 2017
Watching a 3 year old try to sit down in a Barbie seat is pretty much the reason I had kids.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 18, 2017
Kidless friend: what do you do all day?
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 3, 2017
Me: *Looks around at mess
Honestly, I'm not sure. But, it makes me really really tired.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.