Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways -- so we like to round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Our guest curator this week is Kate Hall, co-editor (with Science of Parenthood's Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler) of The Bigger Book of Parenting Tweets available today on Amazon. Kate also blogs at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine? and right here on HuffPost Parents. Read her selections below, and follow @HuffPostParents, @KateWhineHall and @BigBookofTweets on Twitter for more!
95% of my daily yelling does nothing to keep us from leaving for school at exactly the same time.
— She's A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) April 15, 2015
Parenthood is a journey except it's just traveling from room to room putting away the same toys all day long.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) April 13, 2015
if your child laughs while you're trying to yell at them, I'm probably nearby mouthing everything you're saying but like way funnier
— Mickey Mt. Vernon (@WhatevaConc) April 14, 2015
I love being a stay at home mom...if I get to go back to work the next day.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) April 15, 2015
I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) April 13, 2015
My mother always had an endless supply of shoe boxes for book report projects. Clearly I need to buy more shoes to avoid parental failure.
— qwertygirl (@qwertygirl) April 12, 2015
When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they're saying the names of Ikea furniture.
— Lemming Dᅢᄂd (@LemmingDad) April 14, 2015
Me: I feel sorry for your future husband.
— Lorie (@LorieGZ) April 12, 2015
16: I feel sorry for the husband you have right NOW!
Raising my kids to be functional adults in society seems like such a lofty goal since I can't even get them to flush the toilet.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) April 16, 2015
A cute thing I tell my kids while my wife is gone is that her Neti Pot is perfect for their tea parties.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 15, 2015
I usually think my son is a picky eater but then I see him try exotic things like play doh or dirt.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) April 16, 2015
Strengths: Rapid weight gain, lack of composure
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) April 15, 2015
Weaknesses: Frequent dozing, unproductivity, parenting
Never thought fatherhood would place me on the top of a ladder getting a diaper that has gotten caught in the ceiling fan.
Yet here I am...
— Dustin Allen Dirks (@Epicdaddy) April 16, 2015
A week away from home is so hard. I really missed my kids - especially little Netflix who is growing so fast I can't keep up.
—  ̄タᄚ Just Linda  ̄タᄚ (@LindaInDisguise) April 13, 2015
"Daddy, I wanna be like you when I grow up"
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 13, 2015
"You better hope your mother doesn't hear you say that"
4-year-old: I named my right sock. His name is Socky.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2015
Me: What did you name your left sock?
4-year-old: Nothing. That would be stupid.
I've always wanted my kids to see me at my best.
— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) April 15, 2015
If they would just stop screaming for FIVE DAMN MINUTES all of our dreams could come true.
They're called "Helicopter Parents" because you want to throw them out of a helicopter.
— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) April 13, 2015
Me: Let me help. *removes plastic from cheese*
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 15, 2015
Toddler: *cries, hates cheese forever*
Me:*bites cheese*
Toddler: I wanted it! *cries*
You think you're just being funny saying silly words around the house until your daughter asks her teacher if she can use the turrlet.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 15, 2015
Fun prank: put two scoops of icecream, a carrot and a couple of twiglets in a bowl and then pretend you're eating Olaf in front of your 4yo.
— Notorious P.O.B. (@TheMongoose69) April 11, 2015
Not to brag but my husband took the kids out all day and I actually had time to take a shower. I mean, I didn't...but I totally could have.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 14, 2015
In Hell moms still have to cook dinner every night.
— Lori (@loribuckmajor) April 16, 2015
"Could you help me do this project that's due tomorrow? And I need art supplies."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 13, 2015
Kids, at 10pm
"Mama, sing me a song"
— RachRiot (@RachRiot) April 14, 2015
I can't think of any more- goodnight!
"Pleease? "
Um
Tommy used to work on the docks..
Unions been on strike- he's ..
Like Us On Facebook |
Follow Us On Twitter |
Contact HuffPost Parents
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.