Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
So the 7 yo told me that she woke up at 3:46 a.m. because she was so excited for school. Good luck to her teachers come about 9:30 a.m.
— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) August 26, 2015
“You said, ‘Any food is better than no food for breakfast,’ right, mom?” - why my kid is eating Flaming Hot Doritos on the way to school.
— Gina Valley (@GinaValley) August 27, 2015
Kids eat snacks like Netflix. As soon as one ends, another one is getting started.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 26, 2015
My kids are always putting random things in my purse. Today I found a baseball & toothpaste. I don't even ask questions anymore.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 27, 2015
Jack (9yrs): Dad, am I your favorite child? Me: Who are you?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 26, 2015
One of my fave things about back to school is when the boys have to write about something fun they did in summer & can't think of anything.
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) August 25, 2015
Motherhood: I'm just a girl, in a world, hoping to one day eat dinner sitting down.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) August 24, 2015
Sometimes I say "Clean up after yourself, I'm not here to be your maid" just so my kids think that I'm still the one in charge.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) August 24, 2015
Is Taylor Swift a real person or does she just live in my radio? --burning questions from my 4yo
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) August 24, 2015
Random lady: What's your name? 5-year-old: Thorin, son of Thrain, King under the Mountain Lady:*looks at me confused* Me: Bow to the king
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 24, 2015
People on this beach must think my kids names are No. No don't throw sand. No don't fight. No don't feed the seagulls. No!! Listen to me.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) August 27, 2015
You know it's Back to School time when moms alone at Target are high-fiving when they pass each other in the aisles.
— Just Linda (@LindaInDisguise) August 25, 2015
Sorry you haven't had lunch at school yet this week sweetie, I'm still trying to get it to look just like the picture on Pinterest.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 26, 2015
I say Git down! Sit! Stay! Good boy! You want me to rub your belly? and Who wants a treat? a lot for someone who doesn't own a dog. -Parents
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 24, 2015
Do you need to pee? Then why are you dancing? Go try. I don't believe you. (Carrying 6yo to restroom) Parenting is about trust.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 27, 2015
The 7-year-old did it in the living room with glitter glue. Parenthood is the worst game of Clue ever.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) August 26, 2015
I'm not saying I gave up on parenting today, but I did just let my 5yo put sprinkles on his goldfish crackers.
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) August 27, 2015
Everyone is in charge of their own life until they have a daughter.
— Skinnie Talls (@SkinnieTalls) August 24, 2015
"I'm just resting," said at 7 p.m. is parenting for "I'll see you tomorrow morning when the kids jump on us again."
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) August 27, 2015
Before dinner 6: Can I get dessert? During 6: Can I get dessert? After 6: Can I get dessert? During dessert 6: Can I get dessert tomorrow?
— Meh, he shrugged. (@TheAlexNevil) August 28, 2015
I love that quiet time between when the kids go to bed and when I get up for work. What a glorious hour of serenity.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) August 27, 2015
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