Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Parenting is mostly just trying not to overreact while your kids overreact to every damn thing.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 15, 2017
Welcome to parenthood.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) December 18, 2017
Christmas is now a shitshow.
When I'm feeling down I imagine how bad it would suck to be one of Caillou's parents, and then I feel better.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) December 15, 2017
Have kids so you can be done with your Christmas shopping & they can hand you their "updated" list which includes nothing you bought.— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) December 19, 2017
My 5-year-old called French fries "potato noodles," and now I'll never call them anything else.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 20, 2017
It’s too bad my sister wasn’t kinder to me in middle school.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 17, 2017
**orders nephew a bullhorn for Christmas**
We’ve reached the point now when any time the doorbell rings my toddler yells out “another package!”— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 18, 2017
I call bullshit on any craft toy packaging that shows an image of kids happily doing a project without a stabby-looking mom in the background.— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 19, 2017
My 11-year old daughter: “Mom, is sand flammable?”— Melissa Etheridge (@metheridge) December 18, 2017
Me: What? ....why?
Good to be home.
The definition of true love is having your kid beg you to help her locate something she's looked "everywhere" for, only for you to find it in the most obvious place and not completely lose your shit in front of her.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 15, 2017
I just put 'one minute of sleep' on my Amazon Wish List. It's currently unavailable.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 18, 2017
If your wife isn't on her 3rd trip to Target in an hour and has 43 teacher gifts on the counter and is swearing is it really even Christmas?— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 21, 2017
Me when I drop something now that I am 34 weeks pregnant. pic.twitter.com/DkTvYMQRLC— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 20, 2017
[my son and a bunch of his friends playing laser tag inside the house]— Sara Says Stop here Santa 🎄 (@PetrickSara) December 17, 2017
Me: (rocking back and forth) ha-ha. This is great guys. So much fun.
Me: what was your favorite part of our Christmas party? Friends? Staying up late? Knowing Christmas is soon?— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 17, 2017
5: nobody knew how many cookies I took from the table. I must have had 20.
My son can't wait to be a grownup so he can "drink caffeine and say 'shit' all the time" so let's never forget we're pretty much living the dream, you guys— Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) December 19, 2017
Does telling your kids that their Elf on the Shelf went out for a pack of smokes and never came back make you a bad mom?— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) December 16, 2017
Asking for a friend.
Black Friday: I don't know, I think I saw it a little cheaper someplace else. I'll pass.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 20, 2017
Week of Christmas: I don't care how much it costs just throw it in the cart!
I love my kids but not “wash the mountain of dirty laundry they lugged home with them from college” love them.— Grown and Flown (@GrownandFlown) December 17, 2017
Have your kid talk to you nonstop while you address Christmas cards - it's a great way to ensure you screw up half of them.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 16, 2017
2014, birth of daughter: very happy; didn't cry— Lauren Mulled Cider (@DraggingFeeties) December 20, 2017
2016, birth of son: very happy; didn't cry
2017, husband brings me home a surprise pint of ice cream: very happy; cried.
My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she's either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 18, 2017