Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
When my daughter gets to be old enough to drive, I’m not going to tell her what to do from the passenger seat like all the other anxious parents.
— The Dad (@thedad) December 1, 2018
I’m going to sit in the backseat and kick the back of the chair the whole time because it’s payback time.
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) December 6, 2018
Kids: We are making you a Christmas gift!
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 3, 2018
Me: Oh, that is so sweet-
K: *pull out paint*
Me: You really don’t-
K: *pull out glue*
Me: Really, guys, I don’t need-
K: *pull out glitter*
Me: Christmas is cancelled.
I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 6, 2018
Every child ever pic.twitter.com/cWuu4QYQMA
— ✨pretty young thing✨ (@blowticious) December 3, 2018
Have children so that one day they will sit on your lap, stroke your face, and tell you that your chin feels like a stale muffin.
— 🔳your mom🔳 (@eff_yeah_steph) December 6, 2018
If you're the kind of person who tries lame parenting tricks like using a stupid elf to get your kids to behave during the holidays, then we have something in common.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 3, 2018
Don’t get me wrong, I adore Christmas, but now that I’m an adult I can understand why the Grinch wanted to live on an isolated mountain with only his dog.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) December 2, 2018
The fastest way to get your family to leave you alone is to say, “Time to decorate the Christmas tree!” & then watch as your teens & spouse run & hide. You sit & relax with a glass of wine.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 7, 2018
You’re welcome.
I can’t tell if I have narcolepsy or two kids.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 1, 2018
I told Luna to “stop it” ONCE, months ago and now when she’s doing something she knows is wrong she screams DONT TELL ME TO STOP IT before I even say a word. As soon as it came out of my mouth I knew it would end me.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 3, 2018
Me: Let's go to the bathroom before the movie starts
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 2, 2018
9yo: I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
I don't have to go.
Me: Fine
*movie starts*
9yo: Dad, I have to go to the bathroom
All I want for Christmas is my two kids to have bus service so I don’t have to stand in the cold and make small talk with other parents at school pickup.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 3, 2018
“A baby will eat an estimated 15 pounds of cereal per year”
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) December 7, 2018
Me: pffft..amateurs
My 3yo just jumped on my back and it cracked so loud, the insurance company heard it and billed me for an out of network chiropractor visit.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 7, 2018
My son just yelled, “COME TO ME, COOKIES!”
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 7, 2018
And then sat on the couch with his mouth open for a good while.
I guess it was worth a try.
Me: No, you cannot have any of daddy's beer.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 6, 2018
Son: Why not?
Me: You know why not.
Son: Because you don't like to share?
Me: Because I don't like to share.
oh it’s gonna be 15 degrees tomorrow? my son better locate his very warmest t-shirt and mesh basketball shorts
— Valerie 🎄🤶🏻 (@ValeeGrrl) December 2, 2018
Dear Santa,
— It'sReally10Months (@really10months) December 6, 2018
All we want for Christmas is a silent night.
Love,
Parents
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Related
Before You Go
