If you are banging your head against the kitchen island because of the whines, complaints or flat out refusals to eat your (surely excellently prepared) home cooked meal, then I want to teach you this game changing phrase and exactly how to use it.
Phrase: "This is not my favorite."
As in, "I don't hate it but if I had a choice for dinner this wouldn't be it..."
Within this little phrase is pure magic because suddenly it gives both our kids and us home cooks some wiggle room between "Yum" and "I don't like it."
I know it seems simplistic but yes, we actually do have to teach our kids that there are more than two choices when tasting new stuff.
"Yes, we actually do have to take the time and spell out that just because something "isn't their favorite" doesn't mean that they don't like it."
Once we solidly teach kids that distinction, that's when we can bring the hammer down on them being overly selective.
We have been using this phrase for quite some time in our home as I am frequently asking my kids (ages 6 and 8) into the kitchen to taste stuff as I make it. (or unpack it it the fridge if you aren't cooking)
Let's say I am making roasted cauliflower for the first time. Before it even hits the table I will give them a nibble and ask what they think.
Now let's say I get the shoulder shrug "ehh, its ok, not my favorite" response.
When dinner time rolls around and I start serving up the cauliflower, if my precious children try to turn their noses up at their plates, (here come the hammer) I remind them that we can't say no to food just because it is "not our favorite."
Even if you are only eating a few bites, you must still participate in eating foods that are just OK. After all, It can't be pizza and brownies every night.
Boiling it down a bit further, I had to give my kids that specific piece of language so they can articulate the difference between eating things that they love and make them happy, things that are just OK and wouldn't select on their own, and the things that they truly do not like.
In my house I try hard not to push food that someone doesn't like, and to accomplish this we have to be very clear on these differences.
Now, let's take the same cauliflower example and spin it so when my daughter tastes it I get a "bleck... no, I do not like that!"
My response to her would be a smile and pat on the head and quick conversation that sounds like this:
"No to cauliflower? Ok, you do not like cauliflower, I will remember that! Thanks for trying it sweetie! Go grab a couple M&M's to get the taste out....."
(Don't judge me on the M&M's people, it works for us!)
The key take away for us adults is to remove the judgment and expectation from these tastings. Once your kids trust the process, trust that you won't make them eat a huge bowl of steamed cauliflower they HATE, trust that you will smile when they confess they don't like what you made, they will slowly get more excited to pop into the kitchen to see what up and to be more open minded about what they are chewing.
Now with all this experimenting, you may be wondering what to do with all this new "data" you have acquired.
Here is a super rough breakdown of how I go about meal planning:
Favorite foods and meals are served several times a week so I can stay sane and keep my kids fed.
"Not my favorite" side dishes and meals get served every week and sprinkled in when I am in the mood to eat something different. While I may acknowledge that it is a bummer you are not crazy about the asparagus I put on your plate, I will still make you eat some without complaint.
"Yuck" foods that I know my kids truly can't tolerate (here's looking at you squash) are served to my kids rarely. I may still make it for myself but I don't even ask that they try it. I revisit these "hated" foods only once or twice a year because I trust my kids judgement and respect their right to dislike stuff. I dislike stuff, you dislike stuff, and your kids have a right to as well... but your mission now to know the difference between indifference and true dislike!
Now it's your turn to put this magic phrase into practice. Next time you serve a new food or meal teach your kids to put it into one of these three categories:
1) Yum.
2) It's not my favorite.
3) I don't like it.
As often as possible, get those kids to try bites of everything that passes through your kitchen both the new and familiar. (This doesn't have to be complex, anything works here. Think olives, berries, spicy mustard, almonds, etc.) While tasting, get them to tell you what they think about it using the three simple categories defined above. At meal times don't take no for an answer in regards to eating their "not my favorite" foods. Eating only a bite or two is fine, but they must participate. Also, Respect their right to truly dislike certain foods and don't push those.
Remember it takes up to 10 tries before we identify as liking a new food so the only way to get from "it's not my favorite" to "yum" is time, patience and persistence.