Too often people try to appear confident. It’s because we are actually insecure and it’s scary to reveal those insecurities. It makes sense; who would want to be seen as an insecure person? I wouldn’t, but at the same time I am known for being open about my flaws. Being open about your flaws doesn’t mean you feel badly about who you are, it means that you have a good sense of self and that’s actually a positive thing. I pride myself on having a balanced view of who I am. I know my strengths and I understand what I have to work on. In an ideal world, we could all be open about our strengths and our weakness.
However, we don’t live in utopia, and people are often afraid to disclose their insecurities because they feel vulnerable and possibly weak. I see this among men more than women and I blame societal misogyny. Whatever gender you are it can be intimidating to be open about your insecurities.
When you are in a relationship that could turn into marriage, it’s even more important to be candid about who you are, flaws and more. Pre-marriage counseling is an optimal environment to discuss what you’re afraid of, what your insecurities are and how they may/may not impact your marriage. When we are candid about our flaws, we can learn from them. Let’s say one person has anger issues and they’re afraid of losing their temper at their future spouse, talk about that with a counselor. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I can use myself as an example: I get easily frustrated and sometimes blurt things out when I feel annoyed. I don’t mean to be rude, but my impulsivity gets the best of me. This is an issue I might discuss in counseling with my partner. Maybe the counselor could provide guidance on how to handle my frustration and not take it out on my partner. A therapist is skilled at advising people on how to manage impulsivity and related issues. A couple’s counselor is specifically trained on how to facilitate communication between two people. So this would be a great opportunity for me to embrace this flaw and work on it.
I have trouble comprehending why people are so ashamed of their flaws that they make a conscious effort to hide them. It confuses me specifically because even if I wanted to hide what is “wrong” with me I couldn’t do it. I am a bad liar anyway, so I don’t even try. Being honest about who you are can only benefit you and the people around you. If they can’t handle who you are, then they shouldn’t be in your life. Flaws are what make us unique, beautiful and human.
Let’s embrace our insecurities, flaws, imperfections and understand that they are something that can make life more interesting. Let me put to you this way, I often get stains on my shirt because I am a messy eater. So what? I like food and I get into it. Does this make me “bad?” No, it makes me human.
What are your insecurities? How do they impact your life?
Do you show your flaws? Do it.