Over the winter break, I had the honor of speaking to and leading an ADHD workshop with the parent support group at The Charles Armstrong School in Belmont, CA. The parent group invited me to speak having learned about my work as an advocate for young people with ADHD, and having read my guide - Embracing Your ADHD.
The Charles Armstrong School is a private school that educates young students with dyslexia, ADHD, and other learning disabilities. For the parents, my workshop provided an opportunity to better understand what young people with ADHD, or ADDYTeens as I call us, experience and need from their parents. Consider that explaining ADHD to someone who does not have it is a bit like trying to describe the scent of a rose to someone who has never seen a flower.
What ADDYTeens experience with "their ADHD" is complex and difficult to articulate and explain. Happily, I was able to enlighten these two dozen parents by sharing my findings and observations about students with ADHD, their habits, behaviors and needs for academic achievements.
Not every ADDYTeen has a parent with ADHD. For those without ADHD, especially parents of ADDYTeens, understanding and relating to this disorder can be challenging and often frustrating. Sadly, ADDYTeens are often unhappy, ashamed of their condition and reticent to talk, and this may be frightening to parents. Parents, finding it challenging to manage your own emotions regarding your ADDYTeen is really not something to be ashamed of. Each parent in the workshop wants to help their ADDYTeens cope and thrive with their unique mind and way of learning, but sometimes "helping" can unintentionally make matters worse.
The Charles Armstrong parents all experienced this first hand, and they worry for their kids; they want them to be successful and happy. So, to help the Charles Armstrong Parent Group and those of you reading this blog post, I put together a "Top 10 List" of things ADDYTeens really want their parents to understand.
- Be Parents, not Teachers or Coaches. What your ADDYTeen needs most of all is for you to love, support, accept them and help them find the environment and resources to perform at their personal best. Trying to teach or instruct your ADDYTeen is not typically effective and may harm your relationship. Playing too many roles -- other than loving and supporting Parent -- reduces your effectiveness in helping your child achieve and adapt to their ADHD. Explain to your kid that extra help is more than okay, it's great! Tutors, teachers and older students are available to help your kid with classwork and homework and coping socially. Finding a positive role model for your ADDYTeen will help them accept and ultimately embrace their ADHD, and this will reduce the shame or stigma of having ADHD. As I mentioned to the group, everyone in Alameda High School knew I had ADHD, they also knew I was Yearbook Editor in Chief, played Goalkeeper and was a diligent student. I felt support from my family and that gave me great confidence. Most everyone and certainly every teacher I have at the University of Puget Sound also knows I have ADHD. I feel absolutely no shame or stigma knowing I have a unique mind.
Much of this information is covered in my guide, Embracing Your ADHD, which is available for free on my website www.ADDYTeen.com. If you have questions, or would like me to speak at your school, send me an email. If you like this post or my others, share it with your family and friends.
We ADDYTeens need to spark a conversation, make sure we stand up for ourselves and not feel shame in how our bodies developed. You can adapt to and thrive with your ADHD, but you have to suit up if you want to win your race.