Hollywood has done it again! Just when you think they have put together a feel good movie for you to enjoy, BAM! They punch you in the gut with some jacked up reality. I'm so tired of seeing people's realities flung on the screen as entertainment. People go to the movies to escape their realities not to be forced to sit for two hours, in the dark, surrounded strangers, stuffing their self with popcorn and diet pop, only to get their ass kicked with the life they left outside the door.
But I may just be over sensitive, because people are still flocking to the movies by the millions, so I've heard. Then they take to social media and say how Amazing the movie was and that everyone should see it! Interestingly enough, they never tell you what the conflict is in the movie, I guess that would be considered a Spoiler Alert lol! Well I wish someone would Spoiler Alert me before I walk into an all out assault on my life and mental stability! Ok, Dramatic!
So here goes, Spoiler Alert! I'm going to do for you what I wish someone had of done for me last weekend. Now I know I am going against the grain by criticizing this movie, because Everybody Loved It! But, I just feel like it's my right and duty to make sure we understand the message wrapped in entertainment.
Last Saturday, I arranged a babysitter so my husband and I could have some alone time. I finally put on that too short, sexy dress that I had been threatening to wear for weeks. I just kept telling my hubby that I needed a good laugh, to just clear my mind, and have a good time. I had just finished a major speaking engagement and several book signings. You'll understand why this is relevant when you see the movie. So after getting myself fully sexified (my word ;)), we went to go see Girl’s Trip. I debated about seeing the movie with my girlfriends vs. my man, I chose my man.
The first few minutes we were on the edge of our seats laughing, but quickly my laughter turned to anger and hyperventilating. Yes, literally putting my head between my legs. Okay I don't know if that's because of the movie or the two girdles I was wearing under my short dress, but whatever, I was messed up. Hollywood had literally crafted my worst career nightmare on screen. Again, keep in mind, like the lead character, I too am a Best Selling Author, I teach people that they can live their dreams, and I aspire to speak on massive platforms like Essence (to die for opportunity). So imagine me watching her life blow up right before My eyes. I was sick. It was like I had been singled out. I was not concerned with the plight of the other friends, my fears were front and center..
Let the Tell-It-Like-It-Is Queen bust open this Hollywood bubble. Again, Spoiler Alert!
So yes, the story has 4 friends and likely you're one of them or been all of them a different times in your life. I loved the freeness of the women, the vulnerability, and seeing us be vulgar and bad out loud. Most of the time, black women have to keep the obscene part of our character under wraps, because you wouldn't want the church to hear about your bad behavior. That's another article.
What angered me was the message Hollywood sends to black women and strong women alike, that you don't need a man, you can do it yourself. Before you start sending me crazy emails, I know we don’t Need men, and we Can do it Ourselves. And I believe if you are in a bad relationship with a man who disrespects your person (values, body, desires, reputation) constantly, you should Get Out! That being said, I'm so tired of this narrative. Maybe you think that's a great narrative an empowering one. But take a minute and look around. Women, especially black women, know we can do it ourselves. That's why according to Black demographics.com, in 2014, 29% of African Americans were married compared to 48% of all Americans. 50% or half of African Americans have never been married compared to 33% of all Americans. A higher percentage of black women are divorced than other races. (Because we can do it ourselves). According to Wikipedia, in 1990, 94% of African American nuclear families we're composed of unmarried mothers and children. Two times as many as other races. Crazy huh?! That's supports my theory that black women already know that they can do it themselves. That's not a new message. Thank you for nothing. But the truth is, that women, no matter their color, economic status, or the like, don't want to do it themselves. That's not what they truly deserve or desire. Hence the fact that they continue to get into relationships even after multiple fails.
The main character was a Best-Selling author, who wrote a book called “You can have it all” and yet her circumstances went on to debunk that whole idea. Her life proved that you can't have it all. You can have friends, money, clout, fame, a woman agent doing your bidding, and a second-rate man, who's lucky to have you. But what you can't have, is that fine-ass man you spent your life building and making a Legacy with. Your backbone and support. Successful man that has his own clout. Y'all have built an Empire and about to be paid! And he doesn't cheat because 1) he knows your value and nobody's worth losing you. 2) You and your enlightened, affirmation quoting, life coach ass, knows how to use your skills in the bedroom! You are so Awake and Enlightened that your sexuality is at 100%. You know the power of multiple orgasms for You and your partner. You practice channeling your sexiest self Everyday, and Every Way. You carry Yoni eggs in your p**** (look it up ;)). You do ass crunches, and think about how Powerful you are as you scream in ecstasy, while experiencing 10 or 15 orgasms at a time! But naw, you Can’t have it all! Hollywood says you can't have what you really want. You have to settle just like everyone else around you, especially if you want to fit in.
But what they don't want you to know, is that we have choices. We can write our own narrative. We can choose the kind of life we want. We understand that nobody's perfect. We understand the life is about compromise. We understand that matters of the heart are more important than zeros in the bank account. We understand that no one can judge our decisions, but us. We definitely Understand that our friends are making decisions about their own lives, rather we agree with them or not. And therefore we have the same right about our own life.
Before I go, I wanted to debunk one more Theory. They have been telling black women for years that we aren't getting married and that there are not enough men for us. That black men don't love us anymore. That they'd rather have a white woman than a black woman. That we are not getting married anymore because black men don't want an educated, successful woman. The truth is black women Are getting married, we are just waiting longer than other races. According to the US Census Bureau, More than 70% of black women had never married in 2009, but by the time the same black women were 55, they were married. The Census Bureau revealed that only 13% of black women had never married by age 55. Wow, those are much better statistics than they tell us. So cheer up black woman! And again, screw you Hollywood! We can do it by ourselves! We proved that to ourselves in our early years by working on our careers, increasing in our educational status, and getting our own money and material goods.
Yes, but after that, we decide that we're ready for support, love, and partnership. Not to match our economic or educational status, but to match our hearts desire to share life's ups and downs, good, bad, and ugly with a partner. We want somebody to go to the store for us in the middle of the night when we're having crazy cravings. We want somebody to sit on the couch with and cuddle while we watch Netflix. We want somebody to walk around and hold hands with. We want somebody to wipe our tears when we cry, after life has kicked our ass all day. We want somebody to celebrate our wins, that nobody ever thought that we would be able to get. We want somebody to share our dreams with that we think might never happen. We want to know that there's one person in our corner cheering us on, all the time. We want someone to rub our feet and lust after our aging bodies. We want monogamy, even with the threat of some other chick trying to steal our man. We want a man who knows and understands our body, what makes us holler, or melts us to our core. We want all that, and more! And guess what? We can have it All! Yes, there will be heartaches, disappointments, fights, sickness, hatred, passion, compromise, etc. etc. But its worth it, if that's your Choice.
Shame on Hollywood for shaming black women who understands and values this type of companionship anyway. I can say it's toward black women because the narrative tends to be different in white women movies. A few years ago in the movie The Intern, with Anne Hathaway, the same question arises, “can you have it all?” She too was a successful woman, who had her own company, $, and clout. Her husband cheated on her too. (Interesting repeated narrative). But her story turned out different. He repented and they stayed together in a loving supportive relationship, and she continued being successful at having it all. Another example is the movie Bad Moms. At least 2 of the women were able to keep their marriages intact, despite rocky situations. So please don’t tell me that there is not some kinda a racial bias in the way black couples are shown in hollywood movies. Not one of the chicks in Girls Trip had a good relationship, not one! I rest my case.
Ladies you Can Have it all! The good, the bad, the ugly. You deserve every Dream your heart can Dream! Write your own narrative! Write your own story. Some chapters you may not like, tear them out and write them again with a new perspective and new found wisdom. Make your own choices in this life, and don't let anyone shame you for them. Choose what is best for You! Choose what lines up with your internal values and boundaries. Im rooting for you to have the Greatest love story Ever! You got this Girl!
I am the Intentional Woman Author. I am the Best Selling Author of “The Intentional Woman, the premeditated, precalculated, predetermined steps I took to go from living a nightmare to living my dream life”.
I am also an Empowerment coach, and Powerhouse Speaker. Please visit my website www.theintentionalwoman.net to enroll in my “Intentional Bounce Back Master Class” where I will be sharing the 12 steps to Bounce Back from any setback in life! It’s going to be off the chain! Get your seat ASAP! My book is on the site as well.
Until then, live life on your own terms, and Live your Dreams with Intention!
Namaste. Feel free to leave comments. Let's talk about it.
US Census Bureau Statistics